Brigitte Bardot Pleads to Canadians

April 5th, 2006

Brigitte Bardot

Aging sex kitten Brigitte Bardot has visited Canada to protest the annual seal hunt. Bienvenue au Canada, Brigitte! It’s a pleasure to have you here again.

Some of us may remember France’s sultry sex symbol for her, shall we say, “outspoken” views. Like the time she branded homosexuals as “fairground freaks,” protested inter-racial marriage, condemned women in government, and warned that France was being “infiltrated” by Muslims. You know, that sort of chit-chat. Now she’s in Canada to be the voice of, uh, reason and stop the seal hunt—which she claims exists so we can sell ground-up seal penises to China to make “Asians Horny.”

Shockingly, she wasn’t taken too seriously.

I am not crazy—I am pleading with you. This will likely be my last visit to Canada before I die.

Gee, Brigitte; I’m so sorry. Now, excuse me while I hammer some nails up my nose. I’ve got to finish before the carny arrives with the next group.