The Saddest Little Convention In The East

April 28th, 2006

The Family Coalition Party of Ontario Convention

It’s that time of year again! Grab the kids—or, uh, at least some great, great grandparents that are especially set in their ways—and spend a full, long day at The Family Coalition Party of Ontario’s Annual Convention!

What’s that? We missed it? Awww… Well, there’s always next year, I suppose.

The convention took place at the glamourous Mississauga Best Western Hotel last Saturday to an audience of a whopping 50 people. Attendance was, of course, mandatory for most of those present, and cost $25.00.

So what happened at this full-day conference? According to the FCP’s kooky website, it included prayers, various talk about how society has collapsed since the equal marriage bill became law, and lectures from special celebrity speakers. No, not Brangelina, just the magnificently delusional Dawn Stefanowicz, who actively preaches how all gay people are HIV-positive, promiscuous, and child molesters. Sweet gal, that one.

Although the party doesn’t have a moray eel in the Sahara‘s hope in the of winning a seat in Ontario parliament (thanks to their radical lobbying to strip rights from gays), they do posses an amazing psychological weapon. The following paradox, found on their website, may make a rational person’s head explode.

[Party members] can not be involved with any party that does not respect fundamental human rights, or with any party that does not defend the traditional family.

“Defend the traditional family,” from their actions, clearly means “attack and malign the gays.” Mon cerveau! Il a fondu!