Here are all the fantastically amazing entries posted during June, 2006

Crazy Anti-Gay Imam Barred

June 30th, 2006

Spreading Joy

The Government of Canada has told Sheik Abu Yousef Riyadh ul-Haq, a radical cleric from Britain, that he is not welcome in Canada to speak to a youth conference this weekend.

Mr. ul-Haq, famous for inciting violence toward minorities, targets gays, Jews, Hindus, and even other Muslims in his sermons. A spokesperson for the Canadian Coalition for Democracies, the group that discovered some of Mr. ul-Haq’s dangerous hate speech online, said the man simply shouldn’t be allowed to spread hate in Canada.

Ul-Haq’s speeches are intolerant. He says in his own sermon, “Please forgive me for polluting the mosque,” before he would even utter the word homosexual.

Organizers of the Youth Tarbiyah Conference, of course, defended their decision to invite ul-Haq, calling him a charismatic inspirational speaker.

Well, Youth Taribiyah Conference, if you’re looking for a last-minute replacement speaker, I remember a few inspirational ones I had in high school. One told us not to drink and drive, another said to get involved in the community… I don’t think their views on the glory of martyrdom were the same, but otherwise they were pretty charismatic, I guess.

The Fake Gay Influx

June 28th, 2006

Not-So-Gay Immigrant

Canadian Embassies are on the look-out for straight guys in sheep’s fabulous, designer clothing, as young men in India have been pretending to be gay in order to immigrate to Canada. The crazy scheme uses India’s discriminatory ban on homosexuality as a basis for visa applications. Since Canada is one of the few countries that treats same-sex couples equally for immigration purposes, it’s an easy target.

While this pink-is-the-new-scheme appears to be relatively harmless at first glance, some of India’s gay activists are worried. “This may force the embassy to put a blanket ban on immigration on such grounds, which will affect genuine persons,” said one Indian gay rights lawyer, adding that “international sympathy for the same-sex marriage movement may get diluted.”

So, basically, Indian guys: If you’re actually gay, be sure to turn up that “flame” of yours; the Canadian embassy is starting to get suspicious of your hetero counterparts, and you don’t want to be mistaken for straight now, do you?

Sorry, Kids: Youth Camp Closes

June 26th, 2006

Sorry, Children...

The Ontario Catholic Youth Leadership Camp has officially closed its doors after one of its employees, James Loney, turned out to be gay. Loney, incidentally, was the Christian aid worker that was kidnapped earlier this year in Iraq. Uh, good thing he’s now back in Canada where people are more tolerant…

Anyhoo, while Loney doesn’t have definitive proof of why the camp closed, the Knights of Columbus, which finances the camp, was clearly nervous about this whole “gayness” deal. In a phone call, the knighties made it clear that having Loney on board signaled that the camp was “promoting the homosexual lifestyle.” The 14-year-old camp closed immediately thereafter to revise its mission statement. (Uh, overreact much, knighties?)

Well, sorry kids. But there’s always next year! Well, unless us pesky homosexuals don’t quit or uncloset ourselves, anyway. Happy summer vacation!

A Typical Calgary Pride Week

June 23rd, 2006

Pride Parade

Calgary’s police chief, Jack Beaton, warned anti-gay protesters that “there’s such a thing as provocation” last week, after a protester who chased and called a gay man a “disgusting homo” was given a hefty, retaliatory tackle.

While the tackling was, of course, rightfully condemned, the police chief’s warning isn’t going over well with some of the protesters. Jeff Willerton, who was holding a quaint little “No Pride in Sodomy” sign that day, published an open letter on Wednesday, stating that not only were his slurs “in no way considered hateful” (chortle), but also that he thinks his group was the one provoked. The poor dears! Unwillingly incited into crafting offensive signs and yelling slurs!

Observe their rationale:

Two men spit at us, missing me but hitting my friend. This caused a great deal of concern for my friend, who knows that AIDS-infected spit in the eye or in an open sore can lead to the transmission of the disease.

Oh, Snap! Seriously. All us gays must be like walking rainbows of death—ready to infect anyone who crosses our path of gayness with the GRIDS! Run for the hills!

Incidentally, Tyson McCann Cormack, the spitter, had this to say:

I was chased and yelled at and I’ve never done anything my whole life. Well, I was tired of it today. I went to spit near one guy, but I did not spit on him. I spat near him as a sign that I wasn’t impressed with [the slurs].

But, really, although the protesters were clearly being jerks, that doesn’t exonerate a physical attack. After all, no matter how hurtful the “pro-family” types can be—no matter how much they go out of their way to personally insult us gays on our only day of celebration—I only dole out metaphorical slaps. It’s just the cordial thing to do.

Pro-Family Group Distorts Research

June 21st, 2006

Wacky Pro-Family Spokeswoman

Troubling news, folks. A British Columbia researcher recently discovered that 38 percent of lesbian teens attempt suicide compared to only 8 percent of heterosexual girls. That’s 4 out of 10; a startlingly high figure.

Now, how do you suppose Melissa Fryrear of the crazily anti-gay lobbyist group Focus on the Family weighs in on this? Well… (drum roll) it looks like she’s placing the blame on… (eye roll) the gays! Observe:

Regrettably, [teen lesbians] think they have to embrace homosexuality because pro-gay advocates told them that they were born gay. And that is absolutely not true.

Uh, OK. So… the people trying to foster a more accepting society are responsible? Gee, I wonder what Dr. Elizabeth Saewyc—who actually did the research—has to say about all this?

Nothing in the brief results we presented or in our overall study could lead to such conclusions.

The research has been hijacked for somebody’s political purposes or ideological purposes and that’s worrisome. In fact, American studies have noted that gay teenagers are at the highest risk of suicide before they come out of the closet. After that, they do quite well unless they’re harassed.

So, there you go. The “pro-family” types were caught lying again. How shocking. Utterly offensive and such. Well, I’m off to make some orange pekoe tea before someone starts interpreting it as being totally pro-citrus, even though there are no oranges in it. Who wants?

Scam Artist Targets Gays

June 19th, 2006

The con is on...

Well, I guess this is what you get for forming a close-knit and compassionate community. A telephone scam artist has decided to target the Nova Scotia gay community in hopes of getting some of their sweet, sweet… well, money! Disgustingly, he claims to be the victim of a horrible hate crime, weaving a fascinating tale of having been beaten, robbed, and in desperate need of cash.

What’s sadder, the scam has been working. Kevin Kindred, a community figure, said the con takes advantage of how the community protects its own.

The reason why someone can pull a scam like this is because the community is so tight and really does look out for one another. It’s unfortunate someone took advantage of it.

Luckily, Jim Bain, one of the prominent community publishers that the scammer has been impersonating, has a sense of humour about all this weirdness.

Last night, according to people I talked to, I was in Hamilton, Niagara Falls and Toronto. All three places, I got beat up. It’s been a horrible vacation. (laughs)

As for all the gay Nova Scotians out there—always remember this moral: Uh, don’t help anyone. Is that right?

Anti-Gay Troops Rally

June 16th, 2006

Fantasy Tour

Hey, folks! So what were you up to yesterday? Working? Relaxing? How about riding the magical fantasy bus of über craziness? Sound exciting? Well, that’s what some people were up to! Except they had a different name for it, and—I gotta say—it sounds much less exciting the way they put it: “The Man and Woman Union.” Yawn.

The group, which consisted of about 200 Christians supported by two Conservative backbench MPs, traveled to our beloved Canadian parliament in Ottawa. Their goal: To convince the less than one dozen MPs who claim they’re still undecided on this fall’s bill to revoke gay marriage. Organizer Warren Booth spoke to the press:

If there are MPs who don’t know which way to vote, hopefully by seeing us and our passion against this, maybe we can help sway their opinion.

We're persuasive!

Uh, huh. Of course, the group wasn’t particularly subtle when asked what they have against the gays, claiming it’s a no-brainer. “It’s not a grey area,” Boothy said, “it’s black and white. What [the gays] are doing is sinful in the eyes of the Lord.” He then added: “Don’t get mad at us, we’re the messengers.

Just the messenger

Well, bonne chance, Man and Woman Union. You’ll need it! After all, even your celebrity guest speaker, MP Harold Albrecht, is downplaying his role in your group—and he’s the one that once said: “same-sex marriage will succeed in wiping out an entire society in just one generation.” Hah!
Whyyyyyy?

Canada Warns Gay Travelers

June 14th, 2006

Gay Travel

Going somewhere exotic for vacation? Somewhere boring for business? Well, Canada’s Consular Affairs Bureau would like to have a quick word with you first! They’ve updated their travel information booklet, entitled Bon Voyage, But, and the new 2006/2007 edition contains some lovely new warnings for us gays!

What’s the warning, you ask? Well, basically, if you’re gay—and especially if you’re married—beware! Not only will most countries not recognize your marital status, but many will arrest or even kill you. Why, even our friendly neighbours to the south will turn you away if you declare yourselves as married on your travel paperwork.

So if you’re planning on going to breathtaking Singapore, heed the government’s new advice: “Homosexuality is illegal. Convicted offenders may face lengthy jail sentences and fines.” And don’t even think of going to breathtaking Iran, as you may be sentenced to lashing, a prison sentence, and/or death. Jinkies!

Personally, I appreciate the government’s work, but I think I’ll stick to regional travel for now… Alberta Carriage Museum, anyone?

Pride Week Quiz

June 12th, 2006

Pride Week Quiz

It’s that time of year! Cities everywhere are celebrating Pride, and Canada’s largest, Toronto Pride Week, is exactly one week away! But one urban university—located a stone-throw away from the heart of Toronto’s vibrant gay community—is celebrating in a very special way.

Ryerson University will be presenting an honorary degree to notoriously anti-gay lobbyist, Margaret Somerville. And they’ve scheduled it to coincide with the Pride Week opening ceremonies. How thoughtful!

Anyway, Margaret—actually, shall we call her Margey? Margey is an “ethicist” and played a vital role in the equal marriage debate’s losing anti-gay side. Uh, let me see if I can recall her arguments here…

Margaret Somerville

Oh, yes, of course. Margey claimed that children of same-sex parents (whom she calls “gaybies,” I kid you not) lose their fundamental human rights through same-sex marriage. Oh, but “civil unions” for same-sex couples are OK with her. You know, because “civil unioned” couples can provide so much more for children than couples under the “marriage” label.

Regardless, students at Ryerson University have started an online petition to disinvite Margey from receiving the honorary degree. I wish them the best of luck. Because otherwise anything an “ethicist” says must be true, right?

New Social Justice Course Offered

June 9th, 2006

New gay issues course

British Columbia high school students have a new elective to choose from next year! The course, entitled Social Justice Issues, covers various topics including race, ethnicity, women’s rights, and sexual orientation.

This is great news. But how do you suppose the “pro-family” scribes at LifeSite reported this?

Apocalypse

“Government Agrees to Mandatory Homosexual Curriculum with No Opt-Out for Students or Parents!” Aaaaaaah!

Yes, that’s their actual headline. Of course it’s completely false, as the course is an elective—not mandatory. But, naturally, anything coming from a group that calls themselves “pro-family” when they’re actually crazily anti-gay is to be taken with a grain of salt. A big grain of make-believe space salt, anyway.

And to all students taking the new course next year, good for you! Never stop bettering yourselves.

Harper to Resurrect Dead Issue

June 7th, 2006

Dead Issue

Horror fans rejoice? Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper is raising the dead! Well, kinda.

Harper announced that he’ll re-open the “marriage debate” this autumn in an attempt to stop gay people from marrying their partners. This, even though the issue is widely considered dead. Deader than a dead deadbolt. A dead deadbolt that died a deadly death.

As Liberal MP Keith Martin put it:

This issue is dead. It’s over. The provinces, the courts and Parliament have decided the same-sex marriage is the law of the land.

A good observation. But what do our wacky Conservative MPs have to say?

The Stephen Harper Seal of Approval

Well, despite receiving Stevey’s official “Let’s do it!”, some tories are actually using common sense, openly pondering why it’s necessary to revisit the, well, causeless issue. Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn even described it as being more divisive than the mission to Afghanistan.

At this stage, we’ve debated it pretty thoroughly. Once you’ve reached the optimum, nobody is really happy, but if it’s the best that you can do, then it’s probably best to just leave it alone.

Obviously, I’m pretty happy with the optimum (you know, full equality). But if anyone else is still unhappy, it’s best to keep in mind what the old zombie horror movies have taught us: When anything dead starts to come back to life, shoot it before it eats your brain. And this issue is quite thoroughly dead.

Out-Of-Town Update

June 5th, 2006

Out of Town, Folks!

Well, I’m out of town for today, folks! But, never fear! I’ve prepared a special out-of-town update to let you know how some of those crazy anti-gay characters I’ve been telling you about are getting along!

Harper Muzzle

Super crazy prime minister extrodinare, Stephen Harper, sent out a notice to his caucus last week, informing MPs that they are not to comment on the two gay mounties that are marrying this month. While Conservative MPs had no comment (duh), Liberal MP Scott Brison put it best: “If [Stephen Harper] doesn’t trust his caucus to be socially progressive, then why should Canadians trust his party to be socially progressive?” Sing it, bro!

Reassigned

The former principal found to have violated human rights codes for assuming a gay teacher was molesting students has been reassigned by the Halifax Regional School Board. And what, you may ask, is the job he’s being forced to give up? Why, director of human rights policies, of course! A job that he held for over a year even though the human rights violation occurred 6 years ago! Compounded with the bizarre survey asking gay teachers to identify themselves, the board doesn’t seem to be particularly big on diversity…

And that, my scrumptious little readers, is the out-of-town update!

School Board: Stop Calling Bad Things “Gay”

June 2nd, 2006

That's so gay

Using the phrase “that’s so gay” to mean “that’s horrible” has become unacceptably common, the Greater Victoria School District announced last month. And now they’re doing something about it!

Armed with the slogan “That’s so gay is not OK,” school trustees launched a campaign aimed at getting students to think about what they say. Sara Bisson, a grade 11 student, agrees with the plan and thinks students don’t always realise they’re being hurtful.

They don’t really mean it in a homophobic way, it’s just said in a derogatory way and if you confront someone and say, “do you realize what you’re saying,” they usually say, “oh, but I didn’t mean it like that.”

Regardless of how successful the program turns out to be, it’s a positive step. Now, if only we could get the anti-gays to realise that “you’re evil and God hates you” is also irrationally hateful, we’d be all set!