Harper to Resurrect Dead Issue

June 7th, 2006

Dead Issue

Horror fans rejoice? Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper is raising the dead! Well, kinda.

Harper announced that he’ll re-open the “marriage debate” this autumn in an attempt to stop gay people from marrying their partners. This, even though the issue is widely considered dead. Deader than a dead deadbolt. A dead deadbolt that died a deadly death.

As Liberal MP Keith Martin put it:

This issue is dead. It’s over. The provinces, the courts and Parliament have decided the same-sex marriage is the law of the land.

A good observation. But what do our wacky Conservative MPs have to say?

The Stephen Harper Seal of Approval

Well, despite receiving Stevey’s official “Let’s do it!”, some tories are actually using common sense, openly pondering why it’s necessary to revisit the, well, causeless issue. Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn even described it as being more divisive than the mission to Afghanistan.

At this stage, we’ve debated it pretty thoroughly. Once you’ve reached the optimum, nobody is really happy, but if it’s the best that you can do, then it’s probably best to just leave it alone.

Obviously, I’m pretty happy with the optimum (you know, full equality). But if anyone else is still unhappy, it’s best to keep in mind what the old zombie horror movies have taught us: When anything dead starts to come back to life, shoot it before it eats your brain. And this issue is quite thoroughly dead.