Research Breakthrough: Homosexuality Causes Earthquakes!

February 22nd, 2008

Gay Earthquake Powers

Long thought to be the result of tension between tectonic plates, earthquakes have a new explanation courtesy of Shlomo Benizri, a Member of Knesset in Israel:

Why do earthquakes happen? One of the reasons is the things to which the Knesset gives legitimacy: To sodomy.

A cost-effective way of averting earthquake damage would be to stop passing legislation on how to encourage homosexual activity in the state of Israel, which anyway brings about earthquakes.

Isreal was hit by several earthquakes last week, including one that measured 5.0 on the Richter scale.

Mr. Benizri’s unique explanation has sent shockwaves through—I mean, rocked—I mean shaken—the earth sciences community. While a few seismologists remain skeptical, this new development may mean that textbooks everywhere will have to be re-written. I’ll report more on this stunning research development as information becomes available.

(Mr. Benizri, incidentally, belongs to the same political party as Nissim Ze’ev—who recently proposed that gays in Isreal “should be dealt with like the Health Ministry deals with bird flu.”)

Now, someone fetch me a cookie, or—so help me—I’ll rock your house to the ground.