U.S. Politician Blames Airport Pat-Downs On Gays

December 3rd, 2010

A Bond-ish villian declares: The pat-downs are in place. Muha. Our homosexual agenda is advancing exactly as planned! Muh-Muha!

Invasive airport security pat-downs are part of a “wide-scale homosexual agenda,” at least according to Eugene Delgaudio, an elected Virginia politician.

In an email alert sent from the Public Advocate, an anti-gay lobby group, Delgaudio said the pat-downs were the natural next step in the TSA’s non-discrimination hiring policy: “The next TSA official that gives you an ‘enhanced pat down,'” he wrote, “could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission.”

Egad! They’re on to us, kids! Delgaudio has somehow gotten a hold of pages 287 and 288 of the Gay Agenda and is fast discovering that everything that annoys him is all the gays’ fault. It would be wise, at this point, to quickly dispose of any physical copies of The Agenda; we’ll discuss what to do to correct and contain this leak at our biannual meeting in January. See you then!

(Special thanks to Slap readers Allan and Konrad for the story.)