A century-old academic paper labelled “Not for publication” has been discovered at the Natural History Museum in Tring, England. The paper, written by a polar explorer in 1915, observes—with horror—the deviant and immoral sex lives of Adélie penguins. The naughty, naughty penguins were described as having “autoerotic tendencies” as well as partaking in “non-procreative sex and homosexual behaviors.” Of course we may rest assured that these penguins are probably long dead and are now suffering eternity in penguin hell (which is a little like Hawaii, but is assuredly considered quite insufferable to polar waterfowl).