Here are all the fantastically amazing Favourite entries!
President Threatens Mass Beheading of Gays
Yahya Jammeh, the president of The Gambia, Africa, announced last week that he will introduce laws “stricter than Iran” in dealing with homosexuality. He said that gay people in the country have exactly 24 hours to leave, and that he will “cut off the head” of any gay person he finds left.
Jammeh said that he wants to make The Gambia “one of the best countries to live in,” adding that he has spent over $100 million US dollars since 1994 to help promote the country’s development.
While I guess it’s nice that he’s giving gay people a day’s head start, the comments were immediately condemned by human rights groups. Carey Johnson of the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Council was appalled by the mass death threat:
What president Jammeh fails to realise is that there are a significant population of Gambians who are gay, and he has no right to ask them to leave.
Jammeh made international headlines last year when he announced that he had discovered the cure for AIDS: A mixture of herbs to be eaten and rubbed over patients’ bodies.
- Gambia gay death threat condemned [BBC News]
- Gambia President Yahya Jammeh threatens to behead gays [News.com.au]
The Gay Conspiracy Uncovered
A Catholic bishop in Scotland announced last week that gay people have mounted a “huge and well-orchestrated conspiracy” crafted exclusively to destroy Christian values. Speaking at a packed lecture in Glasgow, Reverend Joseph Devine simply couldn’t contain his shocking discoveries:
The homosexual lobby has been extremely effective in aligning itself with minority groups. It is ever-present at the service each year for the Holocaust memorial, as if to create for themselves the image of a group of people under persecution.
Can you imagine the nerve of us gays, honoring holocaust victims as if any of them were persecuted for being gay themselves? But, as a gay, incapable of human emotion, I shouldn’t be surprised that he saw right through that cunning stratagem.
That’s not all that the Reverend Devine discovered about the grassy knoll, mind you:
In this New Year’s honours list, I saw actor Ian McKellen being honoured for his work on behalf of homosexuals, when a century ago Oscar Wilde was locked up and put in jail. It’s a very small group of people, but very active and organised—and extremely indulgent.
Ah, yes; don’t we all wax nostalgic, now and then, for those halcyon days of old when gay people like me were simply locked away instead of insisting on all these crazy indulgences like equal rights? Surely those were simpler times…
Luckily, our great conspiracy is seeing an end to all that. And as long as this Reverend doesn’t uncover the giant homosexual space laser orbiting Earth until the day of prophecy, we shall always be a few steps ahead!
Research Breakthrough: Homosexuality Causes Earthquakes!
Long thought to be the result of tension between tectonic plates, earthquakes have a new explanation courtesy of Shlomo Benizri, a Member of Knesset in Israel:
Why do earthquakes happen? One of the reasons is the things to which the Knesset gives legitimacy: To sodomy.
A cost-effective way of averting earthquake damage would be to stop passing legislation on how to encourage homosexual activity in the state of Israel, which anyway brings about earthquakes.
Isreal was hit by several earthquakes last week, including one that measured 5.0 on the Richter scale.
Mr. Benizri’s unique explanation has sent shockwaves through—I mean, rocked—I mean shaken—the earth sciences community. While a few seismologists remain skeptical, this new development may mean that textbooks everywhere will have to be re-written. I’ll report more on this stunning research development as information becomes available.
(Mr. Benizri, incidentally, belongs to the same political party as Nissim Ze’ev—who recently proposed that gays in Isreal “should be dealt with like the Health Ministry deals with bird flu.”)
Now, someone fetch me a cookie, or—so help me—I’ll rock your house to the ground.
- Israeli MP blames gays for recent earthquakes [Sydney Morning Herald]
- Shas MK blames gays for recent earthquakes in the region [Haaretz]
- Israeli legislator blames gays for earthquakes [The Daily Star]
County Flag Pole Has Great Potential For Evil
Nova Scotia’s Pictou County Council is afraid. They’ve got a flag pole outside their administrative building and it’s causing grave concern for councilors. County Warden Allister MacDonald explains:
If the gay community came and said “fly my flag,” we, under human rights, would have to fly everybody’s flag. It could be the Nazi party or the bikers; it could be anyone. And, from what our understanding is, you either fly everybody’s flag [...] or you put a policy in that says “these are the flags we’re going to fly.”
Now, no gay rights group has actually asked the folks at Pictou County to fly the rainbow stripes. Nevertheless, the council has found itself amidst a lengthy and controversial flag banning discussion. Apparently, if a gay rights group ever were to request raising a flag on their pole, the Nazi party wouldn’t be far behind—or, at least, that’s what their understanding is.
Frankly, I don’t think their understanding is very understandable.
In the event that a totalitarian political party from wartime Germany requested to fly their flag in Pictou County, Nova Scotia, there would be no problems refusing their request—what with the unforgivable crimes against humanity and all. But I don’t think the councilors in Pictou were afraid of Nazi flag requests in the first place. They’re afraid of contention.
You see, if a gay rights group were to request that a rainbow flag fly on the administration building’s pole, there would be dissenters in the council—just like there were in Truro. To justify a “no” vote, these dissenters must explain their discomfort with gay people. Unlike explaining one’s rationale against requests from totalitarian regimes of the Third Reich, however, explaining discomfort with gay people would be met with criticism. Rather than face such criticism—or, better yet, the roots of their discomfort—the councilors would rather ban flag-flying requests altogether.
It’s not a particularly honorable stance—and particularly when no flag requests have been made in the first place. As Councilor David Parker put it:
Other municipalities fly these flags routinely of various groups to support their cause and their beliefs and I don’t have a problem with that. We’ve had no policy for 128 years. We’ve had no problem until it became a problem in one person’s mind.
Well said, David.
- Questions raised as Pictou County mulls flag rules [CBC News]
- Homophobia behind flag policy—councillor [Chronicle Herald]
MK: Deal With Gays Like The Bird Flu
Nissim Ze’ev, a Member of Knesset in Jerusalem, announced last week that gays and lesbians are “an epidemic [that] should be dealt with like the Health Ministry deals with bird flu.”
The bizarre proclamation came during a law and constitution committee as MKs were discussing a controversial bill that would ban gays from holding protest marches in the region. MK Zehava Gal-On called Ze’ev’s comments a revelation of ignorance.
And with that, the nutty theatrics displayed in Canada’s House of Commons don’t seem that—cluck—bad by comparison.
Gobble.
- Shas MK: Homosexuals an epidemic like bird flu [Jerusalem Post]
Health Canada Bans Gay Organ Donors
Got a relative in desperate need of a kidney or a lung? Are you a gay man? Well, tell your sick grandma to take a hike! According to new Health Canada regulations, your organs aren’t fit for her.
As of December, Health Canada has barred all sexually active gay men from donating organs—even if they’re in monogamous relationships or have been tested. A spokesperson for the government organisation cited a risk of HIV and hepatitis as the rationale for the ban.
You heard right. Apparently, the risk of having a gay man (as opposed to anyone else) lie about his health to donate an organ, somehow fool the disease-testing process, the family interview process, and infect a transplant patient is a far greater risk that leaving that patient on a long waiting list, desperate for short-supplied body parts.
Dr. Gary Levy, the head of Canada’s largest organ transplant center, is defying the new regulations:
We have not been informed, first of all, that Health Canada is considering this. Organ donation and the opportunity to save a life at a specific time—we have no substitute therapies.
Obviously if Health Canada wishes to discuss [banning donors], we would hope they would engage all stakeholders.
Approximately 4000 Canadians are currently waiting for an organ transplant. Levy predicts that out of the mere 100 donors each year at his hospital, seven donors will be rejected with these new regulations.
With the gay blood ban, and now this… Lives are at stake and healthy donors are being rejected. What is Health Canada thinking?
Thanks to Nick and Tiana for alerting me to this one!
LifeSite Hearts Scare Quotes
Bill Siksay, the New Democratic Party MP for Burnaby-Douglas, has introduced a bill that would explicitly add transgendered people to the list of identifiable minorities protected from violent hate crimes.
This is fantastic news, if a tad later than desirable. And, for the most part, the press has reported this story with professional neutrality.
Say, let’s see how those amusingly partisan scribes at LifeSite are reporting this:
Now its the “transgendered” who are being presented as an “identifiable group” against whom it would be a criminal offence to “discriminate.” [...]
The “transgender” phenomenon, it is said, occurs when a person’s personal “gender identity” does not match that “assigned” by biology, their parents, or society’s expectations. [...]
While those who consider themselves “transgendered” usually claim they were “wrongly” “born into the body” of the opposite sex and that this can be “corrected” with a combination of surgery and hormone treatments, the biological sex of an individual is genetically determined from the first instant of the fusion of ovum and sperm.
Ten pairs of quotation marks used inside three sentences? Why, I believe we have a new scare quote record! I can actually taste the sneers—the contempt! Why, they even incorporated one in the article’s title: Canadian MP Introduces “Transgender” to the Hate Crimes Act.
Kudos, LifeSite. “Kudos.”
By the way, Happy New Year, kids! I’m back from my little break and I hope you all had a fantastically amazing holiday. Here’s to another great year!
- MP calls for expanded hate-crime laws [Burnaby Now]
- Siksay introduces trans hate crimes bill [Capital Xtra]
- Canadian MP Introduces “Transgender” to the Hate Crimes Act [Lifesite]
Anti-Gay Group Bans Diversity Book From Schools
A teacher’s resource book has been removed from staff rooms in the Waterloo Catholic District School Board after an anti-gay group, Defend Traditional Marriage and Family, lobbied to have it pulled.
The book, entitled Open Minds to Equality, advises on how to deal with ageism, sexism, and homophobia in schools. While the resource was available for teachers to consult, it was not required reading, nor accessible by students directly.
Jack Fonseca, a spokesperson for Defend Traditional Marriage and Family, was thrilled by his lobbying victory:
[The removal] will make it more difficult for the book to get into the hands of teachers who might’ve been misled by the flawed lessons within.
So, what “flawed lessions” might these be?
Prior to the censorship decision, Fonseca was unable to present anything demonstrative of his rhetoric, only saying that the book “could have the effect of encouraging students and teachers to view the gay lifestyle as being morally neutral,” and adding “they will have been led to reject Jesus.” In an open letter, however, the group said that “the effect of this book is to indoctrinate teachers and children to accept and celebrate homosexuality under the guise of ‘diversity’ and ‘equality.’”
It’s clear from the language used by Defend Traditional Marriage and Family that they are incapable of distinguishing a “morally neutral” presentation of homosexuality from one that “indoctrinates” and “celebrates” the “rejection of Jesus.” When convinced, however, that there is no such thing as gay people—only straight people who are sinning—that’s enough for them to expend great effort ensuring teachers do not even have the option of consulting resources to help them deal with issues that gay students face.
What a sad state of affairs. It’s no wonder Catholic teachers feel they must hide their student compassion from these groups.
Incidentally, of the lobby group’s executive members, only 6 indicated that they support the Catholic School Board on the voter list, and none of the 11 members have their children enrolled in the system. Could all this hoopla over a rarely-consulted resource book be ostensible rhetoric for a larger anti-gay agenda? I think I’ll let Catholic board spokesperson John Shewchuk’s jugement stand on this one: “It seems fairly obvious this group isn’t as concerned about Catholic schools and Catholic education as they would have local Catholics believe.”
The board has kept the book available in a central teacher’s resource library.
- Book yanked from school shelves [The Record]
- Catholic school cautious in approach [The Record]
Point/CounterPoint: The Dumbledore Controversy
Professor Albus Dumbledore, a character from a mildly popular book series that I can’t quite remember the title of, is gay. Some people are furious, with a Toronto Daily News columnist writing: “Such an ousting of one of the most beloved characters in [the] book had no value and may hurt the future of Harry Potter.”
Here to discuss the controversy is Laura Mallory—a Christian activist and anti-Harry Potter crusader—and Professor Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:
Laura Mallory, Point: “My prayer is that parents would wake up; the subtle way this is presented as harmless fantasy would be exposed for what it really is—a subtle indoctrination into anti-Christian values. A homosexual lifestyle is a harmful one. That’s proven, medically.”
Dumbledore, Counterpoint: “I’m fictional.”
Interesting discussion! Join us Friday for another engaging issue.
- J.K. Rowling reveals Dumbledore is gay [CBC News]
- Dumbledore Gay, Harry Potter Fans Upset [Toronto Daily News]
- Rowling Lets Dumbledore Out of the Closet [ABC News]
Happy Thanksgiving
It’s Thanksgiving in Canada today, so I’m taking the day off. In the meantime, though, here’s some quick Canadian Thanksgiving trivia for those living elsewhere:
Most people know that Canadian Thanksgiving is celebrated today and Canadian Halloween is celebrated on American Thanksgiving, but few people know there are differences in Thanksgiving dinner customs. Americans, apparently, roast their turkey in the oven instead of serving it as raw, seasoned slices for dinner guests to pierce with a fourche à foin and cook over nutmeg-scented candles. Also, since the Canadian climate is not suitable for growing potatoes or carrots, mashed acorns and goat cheese are more common. After dinner, it’s customary to tip the hostess by putting some loonies, toonies, or foonies into a toque in the middle of the dining table.
Sadly, I won’t get to see my family at Thanksgiving this year, but I’ve still a lot to be thankful for. Have a great holiday, kids!
Dyke March Posters Vandalized
An Ottawa vandal has been searching out and defacing posters promoting the city’s annual Dyke March. The posters, which encouraged people to support the march and attend the family BBQ and concert afterwards, had crosses scratched over faces in black marker, accompanied by the words “sin” and “repent.”
Attendance of the march was decimated due to the vandal’s actions.
…
Nah, I’m totally kidding! The vandal wasted a Sharpie.
- More posters vandalized in leadup to big weekend [Capital Xtra]
Town Council Misunderstands Gay Pride Flag
Flashback: The year is 1989 and—oh, wait, no. I misread something. Let’s try this again.
August, 2007: The town council of Truro, Nova Scotia (population 11,700) has voted 6-1 against raising a Pride flag at city hall during the city’s gay pride week. The mayor, Bill Mills, decides to let his words speak louder than actions:
If I have a group of people that says pedophiles should have rights, do we raise their flag too? I don’t want to lump them in with homosexuals, but that’s the point—the issues—and that’s my feeling.
Gays and lesbians already have equal opportunities and work and pension benefits; I wonder what else they’re fighting for.
Charming lad.
So, what else are gay people fighting for? Freedom from being publicly compared to pedophiles by ignorant mayors is a good start. I am not a criminal.
You see, the folks running Truro are unusually slow at understanding the Pride flag. Bill Mills considers it a display of arrogance—a means to “flaunt a lifestyle” to those who don’t care to see it. He’s the type of person who emails me now and then to ask why gays are so insistent on visibility when there isn’t a straight pride flag or straight pride parade.
My take is simple: Pride flags exists because pride is the opposite of shame, which is precisely how people like Mills would have us gays feel. The “lifestyle” I’m supposedly flaunting is, in reality, no different from anyone else’s, but there’s a lot I’ve had to put up with. Pride is a fitting symbol: I am proud of having overcome the misinformation I was fed over the years about gay people; I’m proud of overcoming the personal struggle to accept who I am; and I’m especially proud of how I continue to overcome ignorant policy-makers, lobbyists, journalists, individuals, and churches who don’t hesitate to attack me at every opportunity.
Raising the Pride flag is not an “endorsement” of any particular lifestyle—and certainly not the lifestyle that Mayor Mills has chosen to assign to all of a diverse group. Rather, it’s a gesture of dignity and recognition of a minority’s struggle that, if refused in this manner, re-enforces the purpose of why that symbol exists. Mayor Mills may not care to see the Pride flag one week a year, but I have to put up with discriminatory nonsense all the time.
Incidentally, municipal proclamations such as flag raising are generally considered a public service of city hall.
A tip o’ the hat to Devin Maxwell, who grew up in Truro.
- N.S. town council votes against raising pride flag [CTV News]
- Truro in gay flag flap [CBC News]
- Truro mayor: It’s not OK to be gay [Chronicle Herald]
And Now, A Reader Mistakes Slap As Homophobic
Let’s do the mailbag thing today! A (somewhat confused) reader writes:
Dear Mark,
I accidentally came across your website and am so incredibly offended and upset by it. How could you create such a thing? Do you believe being gay is a choice? The only reason you are so angry about it is because you are harboring homosexual feelings inside of yourself. Otherwise, you may be a godless person, I am not sure. Either way, live and let live. If you do not know any gay people, get to know one and ask them if they would choose such a horrible existance [sic]. Would you choose to be descriminated [sic] against or hated upon? Who would? The AIDS comments are disgusting. Ignorant. You know nothing about the disease. What about the people in Africa with AIDS who were bitten by a mosquito? You are ridiculously blinded to the reality of health situations in the world. Get a life and educate yourself. What is your education level? Probably not very high.
Corey [Last name removed]
Dear Corey,
I’m sorry; I’ve been a terrible, homophobic blogger. I have, indeed, been harboring homosexual feelings inside of myself, and I suspect my boyfriend has too. To make up for all of my angry, angry writings, I’ve painstakingly converted this site into a gay-friendly publication. I hope it meets your standards.
As for the AIDS comments, I’m not entirely sure what I’ve said about the subject, but I’m sorry for it. And, although HIV cannot be transmitted by mosquitoes, I’ve forgotten that people in Africa probably find the bites as annoying as we do here. Hereon in, I’ll do my best to warn them.
With heartfelt apologies,
your pal,
–Mark, MSc.
Well, that’s all for today! If you’d like to submit something to the Slap Mailbag, fire off an email to:
Anglican Church Sends Gays Mixed Message
The Canadian Anglican Church has decreed that the blessing of same-sex unions is perfectly compatible with their core doctrine. Hours later, they forbid the blessing of same-sex unions.
With these votes, gay Anglicans have been sent a clear and decisive message: Your church thinks your relationships are worthy of their full blessing, but they, uh, just don’t feel like doing it right now.
Canadian Anglicans had spent months preparing for this decision, during which time the global Anglican community issued an ultimatum threatening to shut down “errant” churches. (I think the official wording was something like: “Stop blessing gays or there’ll be no church for anyone!”) While several Anglican denominations supported gay blessings, yesterday’s vote means they won’t be able to continue the practice.
Guess Who’s Running For Mayor of Edmonton
Bill Whatcott, the male nurse who has dedicated his life to hysterically opposing gay rights, is running for mayor of Edmonton.
So what’s his top election issue? Timely road repairs? Discount transit fares for war veterans? Let’s take a look at his official platform’s opening paragraph:
As your mayor Bill Whatcott is committed to protecting Edmontonions from homofascism. Bill Whatcott loves children and he loves truth. He believes children have the God given right to have a mother and father and not have to be indoctrinated into embracing homosexuality by our public schools and media. [...] Homosexuality is wrong and as your Mayor, Bill Whatcott is committed to denouncing homosexuality, warning young people about the consequences of indulging in the practice and calling on those trapped in the homosexual lifestyle to repentance, forgiveness and healing through the shed blood of Jesus Christ.
Yes, that ought to resonate with the mainstream voter. Oh, and his campaign photo (I swear, this is all real) is a full-torso shot, arms folded behind the back for maximum legibility of his T-Shirt: “Sodomites will not inherit the kingdom of Heaven.”
Of course, though they may try, municipal leaders are about as powerful as multicoloured baby marshmallows when it comes to overriding civil rights. Given this, I think I’ll give Whatcott my full endorsement. Seriously, who’s in for a couple of years of hilarious “Edmonton’s frothy mayor” stories?
(A tip o’ the hat goes out to Pam Spaulding)
- Mayor Stephen Mandel is pro-homosexual Bill Whatcott is your pro-life, pro-family, pro-father, pro-gun, alternative [Whatcott Election Platform]
Anything Remotely Gay To Be Outlawed in Nigeria
Get ready for some serious closet!
A Nigerian bill is poised to outlaw anything that’s remotely close to being interpreted as sort of gay in the country. The bill prescribes a five-year prison sentence for—are you ready for this? Meeting with gays, promoting equality for gays, donating money to gay organisations, expressing gay love in letters and emails, attending or participating in a gay wedding or ceremony, publishing, selling, renting, or loaning a gay book or video, taking or possessing pictures of a gay couple, selling or renting housing to gay couples, and visiting, hosting, or creating gay websites. That, of course, in addition to the harsher interpretations.
Hey, how about that? Slap’s actually illegal somewhere! Kudos to you, my law-breaking visitors!
Anyway, misinformation about homosexuality is rampant in Nigeria. A special advisor to the president recently announced that being in a same-sex relationship directly causes “mental retardation, and high tendency to commit suicide.”
Fascinating, no?
- Nigeria planning crackdown on gays [Edmonton Journal]
- 4% of Nigerians are homosexuals [The Tide Online]
NHL Harassed, Boycotted By Anti-Gay Lobby
Hey, remember Brian Rushfeldt of the Canadian Family Action Coalition? In December, Brian called on Canadians to boycott hockey because of what he called the NHL’s promotion “of an 11-year-old boy as the poster child for gay sex.”
Now, what Brian was actually refering to is an independent film entitled Breakfast With Scot, which licensed the Toronto Maple Leafs’ logo from the NHL. The film, which just finished shooting, is about a macho hockey player whose life is transformed when he and his gay partner become the guardian of an 11-year-old boy. Paul Brown, the producer, described the comedy as a “crowd pleaser in the spirit of Billy Elliot or About a Boy—movies that celebrate the uniqueness of children, and how they can teach adults.”
Although this is enough to give Rushfeldt a hernia, the hockey boycott isn’t going quite as well as planned. As a result, the anti-gay lobby appears to have switched to Plan B, teaming together with other lobbyists to start an email campaign harassing the Leafs’ president, Richard Peddie. Americans for Truth, a US-based anti-gay organisation, even posted Peddie’s email address online, flooding his mailbox with what he called “raw,” “live,” and “dissapointing” emails.
Former team captain, Rick Vaive, said that both the Canadian Family Action Coalition and Americans for Truth need to “get over it:”
It is time people realized that [homosexuality] is part of real life. It doesn’t matter what the colour of your skin is, or what your sexual preference is, or what your religious beliefs are—we all have to get along. So get over it.
Well put! Though, personally, I’d have liked to see the hockey boycott continue. Given the right resources, I’m sure that lobbyists could have convinced Canadians to embrace an exciting new national pastime: Jesus Ball.
- Leafs brass face backlash for “promoting” homosexuality [National Post]
Women Aren’t Men?
Every now and then I come across an argument against same-sex marriage that’s so unbelievably illogical, it transcends time itself. And, so, I begin this retroactive slap with a Hansard-recorded question by Maurice Vellacott (Tory MP for Saskatoon-Wanuskewin):
Unless I missed something in history, and I am certainly open to being enlightened, has there ever been a time where, when extending the right to vote, women have been termed men?
That, a delightful retort to the reminder that there have been times when government hesitated to offer equal rights to its citizens.
Now, I’d like to think Vellacott couldn’t have been expecting an answer to his question, but just in case, let me get this over with: No, Mr. Vellacott, Women were never termed men when extending the right to vote.
Fascinatingly, though, Maurice isn’t the only one with this semantic confusion. Months later, David Chatters (Tory MP for Athabasca, since retired) curiously brought up the same topic, saying “When full equality rights were extended to women in Canada [...] they did not have to be called men to be equal.” Ken Epp (Tory MP for Edmonton Sherwood Park) was even brave enough to bring this bizarre logic outside of the House and in front of the press, declaring:
Blacks in the United States never asked to be called white. They just wanted the same rights. Women in Canada sought equal rights without demanding to be called men. And so I ask the question in this struggle for so-called equality for same-sex couple, why do they want to use the word that describes heterosexual marriage?
Now, giving credit where credit is due, these conservative members are correct in some respects. Women did not wish to be called “men” in their struggles for equality. And, nor, to the best of my knowledge, did African Americans ask to be called “white.” But—and maybe this is just me, so correct me if I’m out of line—when, precisely, have gays asked to be called straight?
So, with a small correction to their line of reasoning, I’d like to pose my own question for the three Conservative members: “Honorable members, pray tell: When citizens of the female persuasion were struggling for electoral voice, was ‘civil ballot casting’ ever considered a suitable alternative so that men could continue to participate in the traditional institution of voting?”
I’ll, uh, be waiting for their responses via email.
Well, until Monday, folks, have a good one!
- Hansard – Civil Marriage Act (C-38) [EGALE]
- Harper questions ‘legitimacy’ of same-sex bill as vote nears [CBC News]
- 38th Parliament, 1st Session [Parliamentary Hansard]
The Disastrous Consequences Of Same-Sex Marriage
December 6th—that’s the day the motion to re-open the same-sex marriage debate will be brought forward. The vote itself can happen right then, the day after, or after the Christmas break. And you know what that means! We’re one step closer to the 2006/2007 Marriage Debate Drinking Game!
The Rules:
Drink the specified number of shots whenever the following words are uttered in the House of Commons:
- Traditional (1 drink)
- Children (1 drink)
- Polygamy (2 drinks)
- Sanctity (2 drinks)
- Social Experiment (3 drinks)
- Constituent Survey (3 drinks)
- I, Stephen Harper, will protect minority rights and the Charter (Your body-weight in kilograms divided by 3)
Words must be recorded in Hansard to qualify. As an added bonus, the first person to predict the number of drinking times correctly gets to take an additional shot.
- Federal Tories to reopen marriage debate, hold parliamentary vote [Canada.com]
- Canada says to examine gay marriage law next week [Routers Canada]
Church Rescinds Peace Funding Over Gay Speaker
The Roman Catholic Diocese of Hamilton has rescinded their annual funding for the Challenge for Change peace forum because this year’s keynote speaker, James Loney, is gay.
Loney, incidentally, is the Roman Catholic peace activist that was held hostage in Iraq for several months. But, of course, the church simply shan’t be promoting peace if it means letting his kind speak. What meaningful input could he possibly shed on the subject, anyway? Scoff!
The forum somehow managed to go ahead without the Diocese’s $500 donation. This year’s theme was “The Price of Peace.”
- Church won’t fund Loney speech [The Waterloo Record]
It’s The National Marriage Caucus!
A National Marriage Circus! Sounds like fun! I can’t wait to see all the clowns and animals… Oh—wait, no. I misread something…
The anti-gay lobby conglomerate, Defend Marriage Coalition, held their long-planned “National Marriage Caucus” on Parliament Hill yesterday, and boy, was it one long day of gay-despising fun! There were clowns and animals and… Yes, I know it says “caucus.”
The lobbyists started the day off with some anti-gay press releases, followed by some scheduled one-on-one anti-gay time with MPs to exchange delightful bits of oft-repeated, Pro-Family Approved™ demagoguery. This included:
- Holy Crap! Our religious freedoms have been revoked!
- Man Alive! Gay marriage was, like, forced through! Was there even a debate?
- Great Caesar’s Ghost! Don’t you care about children’s rights?!
- Sweet, Merciful Manta Ray! My own marriage has been destroyed!
- Heavenly Carton Of Fancy Molasses! My family turned gay and burst into flames!
- Holy Floating Wad Of Fluff! For The Love Of All The Soil In The Ecosystem! Heaven Shining Upon The… Actually—I think that was the gist of it.
So what does this near-prohibitively expensive day of lobbying mean for us Canadians? I guess we’ll just have to curl up in the corner and wait nervously until that fateful day in December when parliament gathers to—ooh! My pumpkin cookies are ready!
- Gay marriage critics, supporters, lobby MPs ahead of free vote [CBC News]
- Lobby groups tussle over same-sex bill [Globe and Mail]
Cardston Crazies Still At It
Well, after all the recent federal news, I think it’s about time I gave some attention to small town Alberta!
Remember Cardston (population: 3,500)? It’s the little town with big aspirations to ban same-sex marriage. Well, after the Municipality of Crowsnest Pass (population: 6000) refused to hear them out last April, they haven’t given up! In fact, they’ve taken their plea all the way to the capital city of Edmonton (population: 1,016,000)! Such a big trip!
The Alberta Urban Municipalities Association met in Edmonton earlier this month for their annual convention, and Cardston was more than thrilled to propose their ban in front of all the mayors in Alberta! Though, unfortunately for Cardston, Edmonton Councilor and AUMA Chairman Ed Gibbons just didn’t seem to want to discuss the proposal:
This is not the type of issue municipalities typically deal with, nor should they. Why are we talking about it at the convention?
Councilmen were also quick to point out that municipalities don’t have the authority to ban same-sex marriage, which is entirely federal jurisdiction.
Poor Cardston… You tried so hard. Oh well, I suppose there’s always next year’s conference!
- Alberta towns divided on gay marriage [Canoe.ca]
Homosexual Sex Marriage!
Ah, Rob Anders. My former MP. Although he’s probably best known for being the sole dissenter in a vote to give Nelson Mandela, international hero, honorary Canadian citizenship (Anders said Mandela is a “communist and a terrorist”), I remember him for some equally baffling shenanigans.
Now how did it go again? Oh, yes! Anders used taxpayer money (rather than money from his party) to print flyers, emblazoned with a scary masked gunman, linking crystal meth usage and crime to—and I quote: “homosexual sex marriage.” Then he mailed them to constituents in another province!
Raymond Chan, the Liberal MP for that region, was confused why another MP was targeting his constituents with such a bizarre tactic.
They’re resorting to fear-mongering, if you look at the layout of this brochure. And also they’re so outrageous. [Sexual] orientation is not a crime since the ’70s.
Chan’s campaign office was just as confused.
It’s consistent with the concerns that some people have had with the social conservative agenda, coming out and talking about crime and throwing homosexuality into it.
Now, I can’t help but wonder what Anders thinks about heterosexual sex marriage? I wonder…
- Calgary MP wants your thoughts on homosexual sex marriage [Richmond News]
School Board: Stop Calling Bad Things “Gay”
Using the phrase “that’s so gay” to mean “that’s horrible” has become unacceptably common, the Greater Victoria School District announced last month. And now they’re doing something about it!
Armed with the slogan “That’s so gay is not OK,” school trustees launched a campaign aimed at getting students to think about what they say. Sara Bisson, a grade 11 student, agrees with the plan and thinks students don’t always realise they’re being hurtful.
They don’t really mean it in a homophobic way, it’s just said in a derogatory way and if you confront someone and say, “do you realize what you’re saying,” they usually say, “oh, but I didn’t mean it like that.”
Regardless of how successful the program turns out to be, it’s a positive step. Now, if only we could get the anti-gays to realise that “you’re evil and God hates you” is also irrationally hateful, we’d be all set!
- Schools aim to eliminate homophobic phrase [Globe and Mail]
- In-school campaign seeks to ‘out’ homophobes [Victoria News]
