On Being A Gay Teacher

I’m extremely pleased to present today’s Guest Slap. The author, who prefers to remain anonymous, is a gay high school science teacher here in Canada. Today, he shares his thoughts and experiences on what it means to be gay in a complex learning environment.

To be out or not to be out: That is the question; whether it is better to suffer the slurs and taunts of outrageous cowards, or take care with every word you say, and keep your true self guarded. This choice is faced by many in my school and every other school. The purpose of high school is all about learning who you are, more than about learning Archimedes’ Principle, conic sections, or how to play the flute. But because of the highly judgmental nature that exists in a milieu of teenagers, the decision of whether or not to come out of the closet is difficult for anyone in a high school, especially someone like me, a teacher.

I bet that many students who read this had never even considered the prospect that the person standing in front of you on Monday morning droning on and on about some dead poet could possibly be gay. After all, everyone knows that teachers live in the school, never take off their work clothes, and disappear in a puff of chalk dust on the weekends, only to re-materialize the following Monday in the teacher’s lounge. They certainly don’t have emotions, parents, friends, social lives, or sex. My students couldn’t believe that I went out for karaoke with my co-workers, and when I told them that—even though I don’t have kids—I bought a Nintendo Wii, they asked “What do you use it for?” So I’m pretty sure that if I were to tell them that I am gay, their brains would implode; it would be that difficult for them to comprehend.

When I was student teaching just a few years ago, I realized that it wouldn’t be long before I would have to make that decision about how out I would be at school. Every school has a different atmosphere when it comes to how well minorities are accepted, and thankfully, at mine both the administration and general student body are relatively open-minded and accepting. For example, on one of the first days of the year, I saw a group of kids surrounding two boys who were scuffling around. Immediately I thought “Oh God, I’m going to have to break up a fight.” But it turned out that they were having a dance-off to a Pokémon song they had invented. Still, no group of teenagers is free of bigotry. Everyone who has gone through high school knows that picking on the minority is an effective way to increase one’s social standing among the majority. So because of that, some gay teachers try to live a completely closeted professional life, and don’t open up their true selves to anyone at school. Others are completely fine with being out and proud to everyone, and even wear their leather outfits to school on Halloween (yeah, I’m not kidding there).

So I made the decision to make no decision; just to be myself. To any colleagues who I consider my friends, I am completely out. I’ve gone out for drinks with them, played Scrabble with them, taken them to see drag shows, and invited them over for dinner to meet my same-sex fiancé. With anyone who I know strictly on a professional level, like the principal of my school, or my students, I haven’t shared that side of my life.  But if they find out, or if it comes up in conversation, I’m not going to hide anything; I’ll just be honest about who I am.  After all, my students aren’t my friends; we can be friendly, but we can’t be friends. The rare teachers that do treat their students like actual friends, telling them about their night out at the bar… well, they’re just creepy to the exponent creep.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be a better role model for those students who are questioning their sexuality if I were more open about my homosexuality, even though it would mean opening myself up to personal attacks from homophobes. When I was in grade 12, would it have helped me to know that my Canadian History teacher was gay? Would it have helped me to come to terms with my sexuality easier?  Would it have hindered my understanding of Wolfe & Montcalme?

Eventually, I just realized that being out doesn’t have to involve being out to everyone—just everyone you care about. So I choose simply to be who I am.  After all, isn’t that what coming out of the closet is all about?

Thanks again to today’s special guest author!

Family-Friendly Means Different Things For Different People

deBeauxOs, a mother and regular contributer over at BirthPangs, has written an excellent article about the hijacking of the phrase “Family-friendly” by special interest groups. As someone who often feels clubbed over the head with this phrase, I’m extremely pleased that deBeauxOs has agreed to share her post with us today. Her article is reproduced here in its entirety.

Family-friendly. Who would have ever thought that the juxtaposition of these two words could be so contentious? That an expression could encompass so many contradictary meanings. That it could be exclusively claimed by some and denied to others.

If you google “family-friendly,” you discover that the expression was coined by feminists who attempted to reconcile paid and unpaid work, to validate both women and men’s parenting roles and to secure employment conditions that are not discriminatory towards workers who have children. And as family responsibilities shifted, the notion also grew to include caring for ageing parents.

“Family-friendly” is often used by commercial establishments who are willing to accomodate the combined needs of adults and children as clients, when offering services and goods such as housing, travel, entertainment, home furnishings, convenience foods and dining.

Now it’s become a weapon appropriated by those who consider themselves to be in absolute possession of the right to attack any other definition of family that is unacceptable to their standards. And they also use it to shield themselves against criticism.

In case you were wondering who are these people, let’s refresh your memory.

According to them, DisneyLand™ and DisneyWorld™ are NOT family-friendly because same-sex spousal benefits are provided to their gay and lesbian employees.

Planned Parenthood is NOT family-friendly because it respects: women and men’s choice to forego breeding, women’s choice to limit the number of children they want to bear, and women’s choice to end an unwanted pregnancy.

For Better or For Worse is NOT family-friendly because its creator Lynn Johnston included a sympathetic gay character inspired by her brother-in-law, in her family-oriented comic strip.

Moms who breast-feed in public places are NOT family-friendly because… because some people say so.

Affordable daycare is NOT family-friendly because such people don’t use it and won’t support it.

What they consider to be family-friendly on one of their websites though, are hateful screeds that incite violence against the sons and daughters of parents who love them very much exactly as they are. Gay men and lesbians have families too—mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, daughters and sons.

But I digress. At this feminist board, parenting discussions include advice about baby poo. There have been long, heartfelt and supportive threads about sometimes difficult pregnancies, by women who choose to give life, and those who support their decision. In the last year, five babies were born; many vicariously shared the joys of the new parents. This is what family-friendly looks like.

If you would like to hear more from deBeauxOs, head on over to Birth Pangs.

Gay Refugee Speaks

Edward Lee is a student of social work at McGill university, focusing on gay refugee and imigration issues. In Part II of his two-part series, Ed has asked Alvaro Orozco to share his story in his own words, and outlines what we can do to help.

Alvaro Orozco is a young gay man who fled Nicaragua and is seeking refugee status in Canada. For numerous reasons it is unsafe for him to be in Nicaragua, including recent media attention in his country of origin, and the fact that it is a punishable crime to be gay there.

After months of advocacy and community action, Alvaro received his latest Pre Removal Risk Assessment (PRRA) decision on Friday, September 14th. While the application was, again, rejected, Alvaro and his supporters were, fortunately, able to convince the immigration officials that he was not a flight risk and so he was allowed to go back to Toronto (versus getting arrested or deported immediately). The reasons behind the rejection included that the letters of support are “hearsay” and do not provide solid proof that Alvaro is in fact gay, and that Nicaragua is a safeplace because there are many cruising spaces, like parks and ruins where people can have gay sex.

Alvaro now is under a new deportation order for October 4th. Please read Alvaro’s thoughts on what is happening in this article and help him stay in Canada.

I asked Alvaro to write—from his own perspective—about what happened to him and the decision from the IRB. Here is what he had to say:

The Canadian immigration re-sent the letter from the old PRRA decision
of 2005 as my new decision for 2007 (9th august). In 2005, I used to have a different lawyer and I had lost my case. My new lawyer is El-farouk Khaki, who sent 3 months ago 2 new applications, the Pre-Removal Risk Assessment (PRRA) and the Humanitarian and Compassionate grounds application for a stay. Immigration told my lawyer that they had no record of him sending anything. so then immigration called my lawyer and told him that they want to give me one more time until the august 28. but on the 26th (2 days before the deadline), immigration called my lawyer telling him that they have the new application decision of the PRRA of 2007,
but I have to show up in Niagara falls on august 28 to pick up the
decision. And as i am not feeling well and my stress levels and anxiety are affecting my health, my doctor advised me not to go, so I didn’t show up.

one week after that, immigration called my lawyer and told him that
they issued a new date for me to show up to pick up the decision and that is on september 14, this is the 3rd time that immigration are dealing with this application, is clear what they are willing to do with me. to take me away from Canada.

my message:

Before I filed my case, I was hoping that I can be granted status in this country because this country is a model for human rights for many countries around the globe. But with the way things have happend, I feel disapointed and am struggling to get over it. This has affected me physically and emotionally. It is not fair the amount of struggles I had since I was a kid and that I never really had a normal life, and I escaped from many countries hoping to find freedom and respect in Canada. But now I am facing this situation where I am being judged on my physical appearance by canadian immigration autorities, and they believe that my life is just a joke and I never been through this kind of life, but I’m a honest person and I always keep what I say and I always work for my dreams. I keep my self positive that better things will happen and I can get over this.

the most important:

the most important for me is not only win my case, it is that other
people who feel scared to speak out can have a voice and someone who can speak for them but not only people who just speak about immigration issues, but people who care about human rights, about peoples future and equal respect.

There is still something that you can do to help raise awareness about what is happening and help Alvaro to stay in Canada. Here is what you can do:

1. Check out his website and read the latest press release
2. E-mail and/or send a letter to Federal Immigration Minister Diane Finley at Finley.D@parl.gc.ca. Let the MP in your riding know what is going on and ask them how they will help Alvaro.
3. Sign Alvaro’s online petition
4. Keep talking about Alvaro with friends, family, media, join his facebook group, etc.
5. E-mail Alvaro and help keep his spirits up!
6. If you want to do more please contact Suhail at SOY Toronto

Thanks again to Ed for sharing his thoughts on this story, and his communications with Alvaro. If you would like to see more of Ed, check out his short film, Invisible Son, included as a special feature on the Margaret Cho Assassin DVD.

Related Update: Bruce at Canuck Attitude has dug up a story about a convicted criminal in Canada whose deportation ruling was reversed because he is in the midst of a “religious conversion.” In the meantime, Alvaro’s safety is in danger because he can’t prove he’s gay. Outrageous.

Gay Refugee Needs Urgent Support

Edward Lee is a student of social work at McGill university, focusing on gay refugee and imigration issues. In Part I of his two-part series, Ed has agreed to share his stories and insights on Alvaro Orozco, a gay refugee from Nicaragua, who faces immediate deportation from Canada and urgently needs our support.

Alvaro Orozco will be going to the immigration office, today, Friday, September the 14th, to pick up his rejection letter from IRB. That is the only way he can fight the rejection, but at the same time, in going to pick up the letter, he very much risks being put in jail, or worse, deported on the spot to the USA (and eventually Nicaragua). Your support and well wishes are needed now more than ever.

First of all, I would like to thank Mark for allowing me some space on his funky, yet timely website to talk about this important current event. I love your cartoons and your intellectual wit! [Aw, shucks. Thanks, Ed!]

I first met Alvaro when he arrived for the first ever North American Outgames in Calgary (April, 2007). We held a youth welcome event at Quickdraw Animation Society, as we invited all the youth that had been granted a bursary to attend the week long festivities—including Alvaro. He was so personable, gentle in a way, with eyes that spoke of a life of hardship and hope. Very clearly gay, he was excited to meet the other queer youth gathered at this event, happy to be among his peers. There was no doubt to Alvaro’s gayness. No doubt at all.

I got to know him as he attended the OutRights conference, OutFest cultural activities (PRIDE dance) and finally winning a medal at the OutGames, in the running event. By the time he flew back to Toronto, Alvaro become someone that I had come to admire and respect, someone who is so hopeful and optimistic about the world, even though the world has been so cruel to him.

The memory that will never leave me was hearing Alvaro speak at the Youth Roundtable that we held at the North American OutRights conference (held in Calgary prior to the OutGames). Some 40 youth leaders (and those involved with youth issues) were sitting around the table; teachers, lawyers, activists. Then there was Alvaro, with his limited english and shy demeanor, as he was introduced and began to speak of his experience as a gay refugee, traversing 4 different countries to end up in Canada, speaking at this conference to help save his life and be granted refugee status.

All of us sat there, intently listening as he very bravely told his story. He began his story with growing up in Nicaragua, being seen as gay, and the abuse inflicted upon him by his parents. As he spoke about this abuse, he broke down, and wept. Even though I was co-facilitating, I couldn’t help but weep with Alvaro. After what felt like a lifetime, he regained himself, and continued his story. As his right hand moved in a rolling, circular motion, as if to comfort and help him to continue, he spoke of escaping Nicaragua, then being in hiding in the US, sometimes with homophobic churches, and then coming to Canada. His face began to light up as he spoke of Canada, where he finally began to feel a sense of hope of being able to live in a country where it wasn’t illegal to be gay (it’s illegal to be gay in Nicaragua—meaning you can go to jail).

Sometimes, there are moments in your life that stick with you, that are burned in your memory, an emotional scar, for better or worse, will always be felt when you close your eyes and take yourself back to that memory. All of us at the roundtable were shell shocked as Alvaro took us on a virtual ride of his unimaginable, powerful life. This was one of those moments for me, one of the most powerful moments I have ever been a part of.

How sad it is that Calgary Immigration and Refugee Board adjudicator Deborah Lamont was so clearly lacking in sound and equitable judgement when back in February, at his first hearing, didn’t believe Alvaro’s story (read the Globe and Mail article for actual quotes of what she said). How utterly insane and incomprehensible it is that 6 months later, after articles various news media, press conferences, rallies, and Alvaro’s participation at the Outgames/fest/rights, the IRB (Immigration and Refugee Board) came back with the same negative response—re-inforcing Deborah Lamont’s heterosexist and unfair judgement. Alvaro’s last recourse is to be granted a stay from Immigration Minister Diane Finley based on humanitarian and compassionate grounds.

I can’t tell you how sad and upset this makes me. I only knew Alvaro for a week, but I saw someone who was so vulnerable, who had so many incredibly challenging life experiences, and yet, even with these hardships, he is someone who is so kind, so extremely open to others and hopeful about living life in this country, safe from persecution, safe from harm. As we speak, because of the IRB negative response, Alvaro is in fear of being deported, unable to work, relying on the generosity of others, not wanting to be deported to the US and eventually to Nicaragua.

As I write about this, there is still something that you can do to help raise awareness about what is happening and help Alvaro to stay in Canada. Here is what you can do:

1. Check out his website and read the latest press release
2. E-mail and/or send a letter to Federal Immigration Minister Diane Finley at Finley.D@parl.gc.ca. Let the MP in your riding know what is going on and ask them how they will help Alvaro.
3. Sign Alvaro’s online petition
4. Keep talking about Alvaro with friends, family, media, join his facebook group, etc.
5. E-mail Alvaro and help keep his spirits up!
6. If you want to do more please contact Suhail at SOY Toronto

It’s All About Maps

I’m extremely pleased to host Slap’s first guest post today. Arthur is a gay American who moved to New Zealand in 1995 to be with his partner, Nigel (who is a Kiwi). Arthur’s blog and podcast, AmeriNZ, regularly offers an international perspective on culture and politics. Today, he shares his insights on the perceived disconnectedness of the United States and how that relates to their attitudes, both domestically and multinationally.

We all laughed when South Carolina teen beauty contestant Caitlin Upton recently said the reason that twenty percent of Americans can’t find the US on a world map is that “some people out there in our nation don’t have maps.” You know what? She’s right.

The National Geographic Society has long championed geography education in schools, and points out how badly taught American students are. In their National Geographic-Roper Public Affairs 2006 Geographic Literacy Study, the most recent in a series, they found an appalling lack of geographic knowledge among 18-24 year olds in the US.

It’s not all just finding countries on a map, though it’s shocking that 63% couldn’t find Iraq on a map (or even some states within the US, for that matter). The study found some of the underlying reasons for the lack of world knowledge among young Americans.

Among other findings, 62% couldn’t speak a language other than their native tongue. While one in ten young Americans corresponded regularly with somone outside the US, most had no contact at all. 70% had not been outside the US in the previous three years, though most apparently couldn’t leave, anyway: Only about 22% had a passport.

The survey found that geographic knowledge was highest among those who travelled internationally, were university educated and who obtained their news from two or more sources. They were also more likely to own world maps.

As an American, I’ve often been embarrassed by lack of world knowledge among my fellow citizens. When I moved to New Zealand, a university-educated, internationally travelled person told me with great certainty that New Zealand was west of Australia. I showed him a map. He still couldn’t believe it.

Another, even better educated American asked me if we have the Fourth of July in New Zealand. “Yes,” I said, “It’s between the third and the fifth.” He meant the holiday, he told me, not the day.

So if Americans are so ill informed about the world, is it any surprise that they don’t understand other countries or that they may expect other countries to be like the US? I couldn’t possibly count the number of times that I heard of an American not realising that Canada is a country, or even sometimes that New Zealand isn’t one of its provinces.

I grew up with maps, had good geographic education in school, I’ve travelled, and now I live in another country, so maybe my perspective is skewed. But I can’t help thinking that if the folks in my homeland knew a little more about the world, we’d all be better off. They might realise that those of us who live in another country aren’t automatically any less free. They might be more respectful of people who are different from them in some way. They might come to realise that there are other countries that treat their gay citizens as, well, citizens. Heck, they might even finally adopt the metric system.

Too much to hope for? Maybe. But whoever sets up a “Maps for Americans” charity can count on a donation from me. After all, how can you find your destination without a map?

If you would like to hear more from Arthur, check out AmeriNZ.