OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Africa

Zimbabwean Senator Suggests “Sex Gadgets” To Curb Homosexuality

March 19th, 2012

A man hands a blow-up doll to a prisoner: "Good news, prisoner! I brought a cure for your homosexuality."

A Zimbabwean senator has recommended cutting back on prisoners’ food budget and providing “sex gadgets” instead as a strategy to reduce homosexuality from spreading throughout the country.

Speaking  before a parliamentary committee this month, Ms. Sithembile Mlotshwa explained her, uh, logic: “Considering that some of the same-sex orientation—homosexuality—come from prisons and when those people are out they then spread that orientation, what measures are you putting in place to make sure that vice is stopped?”

“In other countries,” she continued, “they provide sex gadgets.”

“[The prisoners] can stay without food, but they want their sexual desires to be satisfied whether you like it or not.”

Ms. Mlotshwa, mercifully, omitted what type of gadgets she had in mind. Although, I’m not sure why providing food and sex gadgets are necessarily mutually exclusive. Surely there exists something that will serve as both, am I right?

Malawi Gay Couple Gets Presidential Pardon

June 7th, 2010

Gay couple is pardoned and free to go, but an angry, homophobic crowd is outside the window.

After intense international pressure, the president of Malawi has pardoned a couple sentenced to jail for 14 years simply because they were gay.

Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalang were arrested in December while celebrating their recent engagement. The two were charged with “unnatural acts” and given the maximum prison sentence by a judge just last month.

While the pardoning is generally good news, it does not change Malawi law, which still makes homosexuality a crime—and Malawi’s Minister of Gender and Children has stated that the couple will be re-arrested if they stay together. Worse still, homophobia is rampant in Malawi and the Malawian press has made the case somewhat of a hot issue.

Britain has reportedly offered asylum for the couple—a welcome bit of irony, since virtually all of Africa’s laws outlawing homosexuality are legal relics from Britain’s colonization of the continent.

Gay Malawians Sentenced For “Unnatural Acts”

May 19th, 2010

Figure 1-A: Riding a bike; An unnatural act.

Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, a gay couple in their twenties have been found guilty of “unnatural acts” in a Malawian court yesterday. The two were arrested in late December while celebrating their recent engagement with a party. Now that the verdict has been delivered, they could face a prison term of up to 14 years.

The court ruling was was delivered in a building made of highly unnatural concrete, lit unnaturally by glass tubes coated with unnatural phosphoric powder, excited by billions and billions of electrons carried through an unnatural system of wires. The court verdict was recorded into a computer, which interestingly enough, was natural, having been picked that morning from a computer tree.

Homosexuality, incidentally, has been observed in hundreds upon hundreds of species in the most unnatural environment of all: Nature.

Churches Call For Ethiopian Ban On Homosexuality

February 18th, 2009

It's a priority.

The Roman Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant churches in Ethiopia have gathered to formally call on their government to enact a constitutional ban on homosexuality. Being gay is already illegal in Ethiopia with prison sentences of up to five years—but why settle for boring, old illegal when it can be constitutionally illegal!

An anonymous spokesperson for the church coalition spoke to journalists after their meeting to explain:

For [gays] to act in this manner they have to be dumb, stupid like animals. We strongly condemn this behaviour; they have to be disciplined and their acts discriminated—they have to be taught a lesson.

Yes, having solved all those pesky, dire famine and plague issues, Ethiopia’s churches are finally moving onto other priorities—and what better way to start than to judge and punish all those dumb, dumb gays that are holding back the country?

You stay relevant, you Ethiopian church coalition, you!

Senegalese Gays Get Government-Funded Housing

January 9th, 2009

Long-term leases only.

Senegal is drawing international condemnation by human rights organisations for jailing nine gay men this week. Each of the men were sentenced to eight years in prison for “indecent conduct and unnatural acts,” Senegal’s legalese for, basically, being gay.

Homosexuality is illegal in Senegal, with a maximum prison sentence of five years. However, these men were given an additional three  years on top of the maximum for belonging to a “criminal organisation.” The organisation, AIDES Senegal, provides free condoms and information about HIV prevention.

Senegal recently played host to an important international AIDS conference which featured several prominent gay rights activists and AIDS workers. I guess Senegal cares about human rights—when the world is watching.

Yet Another Gay Refugee To Be Deported

January 5th, 2009

They like to make it extra formal

Yep; I’ve lost count.

Samuel Kyambadde, a gay, African refugee claimant, has been denied a home in Canada and will be deported back to Uganda where homosexuality is illegal.

Samuel is one of many delegates who came to Canada for the International AIDS Conference in 2006 and then applied for refugee status. Unlike most claimants, however, Samuel based his claim on the fact that he is gay and therefore faces persecution if he returns to Africa. The Immigration and Refugee Board rejected the plea because they said Samuel “lacked credibility.”

Gay claimants are particularly unlucky in obtaining refugee status in Canada. Possibly due to scattered fake gay claims, Canadian officials appear to require substantial evidence of the claimants’ sexual orientation—a trait that must be carefully hidden in many claimants’ home country to avoid persecution. It’s a no-win situation, and something that Immigration Minister Diane Finley has been happy to avoid addressing.

If you’d like to write Diane Finley, she may be reached at Finley.D@parl.gc.ca. You won’t get so much as a form reply from her office, but perhaps if she gets enough emails, she’ll actually create one with which she can dismiss all our pleas in the future.

Update: Slap reader Matthew writes in to say that, apparently, Diane Finley hasn’t been our immigration minister since October, and it is now Jason Kenney. How embarrassing! These things change too frequently; if only there were a way to completely freeze parliament and make sure nothing changes in Canadian politics… Oh wait.

African Country Sneakily Outlaws Gay Sex

November 26th, 2008

The African nation of Burundi has snuck a law that criminalizes homosexuality into an omnibus bill that abolishes the death sentence and outlaws torture. The bill, which passed Burundi’s first house unanimously, also included provisions and stiffer sentences against genocide, rape, and war crimes.

International gay rights groups are irritated, to put it lightly, as Burundi’s gay-criminalization law comes immediately on the tails of a UN declaration stating that laws against homosexuality are in violation of human rights to privacy and equality.

Both of Burundi’s uncloseted gays have indicated they will ignore the law.

Gay Wedding Photos Spark Mass-Arrest

February 8th, 2008

Shocking Gay Wedding Photograph

Between seven and twenty Senegalese men have been arrested after photos from a gay marriage ceremony were published in a local magazine. Police haven’t released any information about the arrests, other than that the men are charged with suspicions of homosexuality.

It’s illegal to be gay in Senegal, with the usual punishment ranging from fines to up to five years of jail time (forcibly locked up with other men, no less).

Mansour Dieng, the magazine editor, said he published the wedding photographs to dismiss accusations that homosexuality doesn’t exist in Senegal. He has since received death threats, and has been interrogated by police.

I bet he’ll think twice before confirming reality again.