OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Bishops

The Gay Conspiracy Uncovered

March 17th, 2008

The Gay Conspiracy

A Catholic bishop in Scotland announced last week that gay people have mounted a “huge and well-orchestrated conspiracy” crafted exclusively to destroy Christian values. Speaking at a packed lecture in Glasgow, Reverend Joseph Devine simply couldn’t contain his shocking discoveries:

The homosexual lobby has been extremely effective in aligning itself with minority groups. It is ever-present at the service each year for the Holocaust memorial, as if to create for themselves the image of a group of people under persecution.

Can you imagine the nerve of us gays, honoring holocaust victims as if any of them were persecuted for being gay themselves? But, as a gay, incapable of human emotion, I shouldn’t be surprised that he saw right through that cunning stratagem.

That’s not all that the Reverend Devine discovered about the grassy knoll, mind you:

In this New Year’s honours list, I saw actor Ian McKellen being honoured for his work on behalf of homosexuals, when a century ago Oscar Wilde was locked up and put in jail. It’s a very small group of people, but very active and organised—and extremely indulgent.

Ah, yes; don’t we all wax nostalgic, now and then, for those halcyon days of old when gay people like me were simply locked away instead of insisting on all these crazy indulgences like equal rights? Surely those were simpler times…

Luckily, our great conspiracy is seeing an end to all that. And as long as this Reverend doesn’t uncover the giant homosexual space laser orbiting Earth until the day of prophecy, we shall always be a few steps ahead!

Bishop Calls To Restrict Human Rights Commission

January 11th, 2008

Bishop Fred Henry: Religious Freedom

Fred Henry, the Calgarian bishop who refused holy communion to politicians that supported gay rights and announced that same-sex marriage “is the worst betrayal of children I’ve ever seen—even moreso than the Church sex scandals,” is now calling to completely overhaul the Human Rights Commission.

The HRC, he says, is “being used as a sword” in an “ongoing pattern [...] to penalize the expression of unpopular opinions.”

Well, if by “unpopular opinions” he means directly comparing gays to adulterers and prostitutes, then I suppose he’s half-right. Fred Henry, you see, had two complaints served against him in 2005 for doing precisely that; though, despite his uncaring words and an indignant attitude, the complaints were dropped.

So what demonstrable harm has the HRC caused that must be reversed? Henry offers no examples other than some pending complaints that have yet to be heard by the tribunal. Not terribly compelling evidence considering that anyone can file a complaint regardless of how likely it is to be upheld.

Priest Removed For Refusing To Fire Gay Employee

February 7th, 2007

That ol’ church compassion

Ah, so that’s what Jesus would do!

The congregation of the Holy Cross Church is reeling after Bishop Richard Gagnon fired their favorite priest, Father Michael Favero, for refusing to dismiss a gay employee.

Father Favero indicated that firing the gay office manager would have gone against his concience, and chose to be dismissed rather than compromise his integrity. Parishoner Monica Kowalewski said Favero was a “hero” for taking that stance, and that Bishop Gagnon needs to apologize for his un-Christian behaviour:

Not only has [Father Favero] been fired from our church, he’s been barred from undertaking any priestly functions anywhere. He should be offered the opportunity to return to Holy Cross, and if he doesn’t want to come back, at least he can work elsewhere.

So, there you have it: Since same-sex marriage has become reality, churches have fired priests for refusing to dismiss gay employees, refused communion to gay parishoners, and suspended the marriage licenses of archbishops who bless gay couples.

Guess that terrifying slippery slope was actually more like a rope-tow, huh?

Bishop Fred Henry: Wafer Nazi

August 4th, 2006

No Wafer For You!

Retroactive Slap Another hysterically anti-gay nut from Calgary? Get out!

Fred Henry, a bishop from Calgary, wrote a pastoral letter (not quite as lovely as that sounds, trust me) that equated gays to prostitutes and pornographers, pressuring the government to do something about it. The wording wasn’t exactly subtle either. Well, you be the judge:

Since homosexuality, adultery, prostitution and pornography undermine the foundations of the family, the basis of society, then the state must use its coercive power to proscribe or curtail them in the interests of the common good.

Funny… The government did end up acting in the interests of the common good! You’d think Fred should be happy, but, well… Far be it from him to judge others, but after same-sex marriage became law, he judged all the politicians that voted for equality and refused to give them communion wafers. Oh, then he suggested that Prime Minister Paul Martin, should be excommunicated from the church. Bitter much, Fred?

Although, in fairness, we’ve all had our moments. I once wouldn’t let my best friend play at my house until he gave me back my He-Man action figure back in 1986.

Well, that, folks, was retroactive slap week! Up-to-date stories shall appear starting Monday!