In my web travels, I often collect stories that I intend to share, but then become distracted by newer, shinier stories—or feel too lazy to illustrate them. This is what becomes of those stories: a Pile o’ Slaps!

While the Anglicans are battling each other over whether or not to bless gay couples and clergy, the Lutheran Church is facing censure over doing just that. Ooh—Burn! That’ll learn ‘em for interpreting ancient texts relative to cultural understandings!

Tom Lukiwski, the Tory MP who said he would “spend the rest of my life making amends” to the gay community after using homophobic slurs, refused an invitation to join in his riding’s gay Pride celebrations. His rationale: He’s too busy. Interesting, ’cause I’m too busy to believe him.

A television station in Singapore has been fined for showing a gay couple decorating their nursery in a home renovation show. Singapore law forbids images and stories of gay people in the media, lest the country catch a bad case of the gay. Wait a sec… Since this site is accessible worldwide, that makes it illegal. And you, the readers, are now participants in a seamy, criminal underworld. Oh yeah, this site just screams “badass.”

Craig Chandler, the former Alberta Tory nominee who was booted from the party over homophobic remarks and human rights violations, lost his bid as an independent in a landslide victory for his opponent. Funny—he said that he was winning after some in-house polling. Does that mean we can no longer trust the claims of politicians

Finally, over 1500 same-sex couples who were awarded Canada Pension Plan benefits in a class action lawsuit can expect to actually receive their pension after a court decided that the case lawyers were not entitled to $15 million dollars in fees they were planning to take from the award. Imagine that; all those poor lawyers ever wanted to do was charge exorbitant amounts to the public purse for simple justice and equality.

Well, have a great Monday!

Think you can be too old for a lengthy court battle? Think again! George Hislop’s class-action suit to receive same-sex survivor benefits will face the Supreme Court of Canada tomorrow. The kicker? If Hislop gets to keep his partner’s pension, he won’t be able to enjoy it; he died in October at 78.

To make matters even more interesting, the federal government is actually fighting the deceased’s cause, saying it could set a precedent and cost taxpayers $80,000,000 or more. This is, of course, glossing over the fact that this figure (hmm… heavily inflated, you think?) was pretty much paid for by the same-sex couples themselves, through years and years of payments into the Canada Pension Plan. You know, because they just loved paying money into plans that only heterosexuals can benefit from.

Luckily, Doug Elliot, the lawyer representing Hislop, is painting a more realistic picture for the misguided feddies.

There would be no significant impact on the CPP—no increase in premiums or on benefits paid to anyone else. But the extra monthly support would make a huge difference for several claimants who desperately need it.

Well, a huge difference to the non-deceased claimants, at least. Although, I guess the estates of the others could always decorate up their headstones a little…

• Epic battle brewing for same-sex survivor benefits [Globe and Mail]
• Gay rights pioneer’s fight continues after death [CTV News]