OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Churches
Anglican Church Finally Approves Same-Sex Blessings
The Anglican Church in Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island approved a motion last week that would allow for individual churches to bless same-sex couples.
The Anglican Church offers blessings for various things, including weddings, births, graduations, and even inanimate objects like boats and pets, but until now same-sex couples had been an issue of particular contention.
I’m happy that gay couples have advanced to the same level of respect as Rover and the H.M.S. Slapafore within the Anglican hierarchy, but it sure took a lot of kicking and screaming to get there. At least one participant in the vote was reported to have become so distraught with the results as to have fled the scene entirely.
Still, I take this as a good sign that things are moving forward, even within the religious community. Why, at this rate, the Catholic Church will be offering same-sex blessings in only several hundred thousand decades!
- Same-sex blessing passes [Chronicle Herald]
Church Tries Minister For Performing Same-Sex Marriage
A 67-year-old retired minister in San Francisco is facing a courtroom trial for having performed marriage ceremonies for 16 gay couples during the brief period that same-sex marriage was legal in California.
Rev. Jave Spahr has been accused by the Presbyterian church of “publicly, intentionally, and repeatedly violating church doctrine” in a regional church court.
Yes, church court. Not a real court, of course; Rev. Spahr didn’t do anything illegal.
Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that church courts existed. I didn’t either until now. Actually, I’d find it kind of charming, if the charges weren’t so stupid. I mean, they’ve set up an entire pretend trial, complete with testimony, witnesses (including eleven of the couples married by Rev. Spahr), a judge—the whole shebang. Isn’t that precious?
This isn’t even the only time Rev. Spahr had been to church court; in 2007 she was tried for the same thing, but was later cleared by a church appeals court (adorable!) because the ceremonies “were not real marriages.”
Anyway, good luck to Rev. Spahr, who clearly has enough common sense to know that everyone—including same-sex couples—deserves love and respect. I can’t wait to read about the trial’s pretend sentence!
Toronto Church Prays Outside Gay Couple’s House
Residents of a neighbourhood on Toronto’s Leslieville Street found themselves defending the home of a local gay couple after members of a local Baptist church gathered outside it, shouting, praying, and waving bibles.
The incident, which was captured on camera and uploaded to YouTube, shows the parishioners from Toronto’s Highfield Road Gospel Hall quickly becoming defensive: “We have a right to be here,” said one woman. “We have the authority to preach the gospel.”
Anna MacKay, one of the neighbours, told the media that this was not an isolated incident. “They were talking about blood of the lamb flowing down the street, we’ll have to pay for our sins. Every time I’ve seen them, they’re standing outside that house right there.”
A spokesperson for the church, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told the media that the whole incident was all a “major misunderstanding.” “Someone felt we were targeting a specific house, but we would never stoop—never stoop to target any group such as gay people.”
Personally, I’m inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt on this point, since it appears they’ve been preaching on neighbourhood streets for quite some time. That said, preaching outside private homes is crossing a line whether they’re targeting specific houses or not, and the church doesn’t seem to understand that. “In the word of God,” one of the preachers declared, “next year, we’ll be here.”
The gay couple, who weren’t home at the time, haven’t commented on the incident, but will likely invest in an underground sprinkler system—just in case.
Church Scolds Volunteer Over Pride Work
Tory Inglis, a 17-year old gay teen from B.C., has withdrawn from her position as a church youth leader after being punished for volunteering as a Pride organizer.
The young lesbian appeared in a photo for a local newspaper reporting on a gay pride event in June, only to be summoned to a meeting with officials for the First Presbyterian Church a month later. There, the officials called the teen a poor role model, scolding her until she cried, and requested that she stop her volunteer work with the Pride group immediately.
Churches have a special status in Canada which entitles them to violate our Charter of Rights and Freedoms with respect to services and employment, so the Presbyterian Church is allowed to do behave this way, as immoral as it seems. That said, it’s still an odd stance for this particular church. According to their own handbook on Social Action, the church says that it “does not limit the roles of its members on the basis of their sexual orientation.”
Tory, meanwhile, was left with a conflicting message. “They want me to leave the Pride organization,” she said, “even though it stands for all of the things they preach in church—which is acceptance of all people.”
No worries, Tory. Anyone who volunteers so much of their time to such worthwhile causes is a super role model. Keep standing up for what’s right, and you’ll do just fine!
- New West teen called to task by church after coming out as lesbian [Montreal Gazette]
- Gay B.C. teen heartbroken after church tells her to ditch Pride work [Montreal Gazette]
Homophobic Pastor Shows Gay Porn In Church
Martin Ssempa, a pastor in Uganda’s capital city of Kampala, is showing gay porn as part of his church sermons.
Ssempa began showing the sexually explicit videos, which he downloaded from the Internet, in an effort to sway his parishioners in support of a terrifying anti-gay bill currently before the Ugandan legislature. When interviewed about it, he said he’s showing the films—and will continue to do so—in order to “educate churchgoers on gay sex.”
Well, that’s all kinds of crazy. I mean, can you imagine if homophobes like Ssempa treated straight people the same way they treat gays?
Still, as unbelievable as it sounds, it has come to this: Gay porn in church. And, naturally, it’s the anti-gay people that have done it. The method is entertaining (I joked on Twitter that Ssempa’s sermon would have kept me in the pews), but the thinking behind it is really tired. In retrospect, I shouldn’t even be surprised.
People involved in anti-gay campaigning are obsessed with gay sex in ways that no one else is, and quite strategically so; human sexuality falls under special moral scrutiny, making it an effective platform for criticism. When speaking of heterosexual relationships, these people have no problem glossing over the intimate sexual details of the partnership in order to convey a larger meaning: Love, commitment, support, unity—all the qualities that make unions special. But when it comes to the subject of gay relationships, they turn to hysterics, engrossed in their own imaginations over what could be going on in the bedrooms.
Sexual attraction is what biologically orients us toward partners, and it works for straight people in exactly the same capacity as gay ones. This means that, when speaking of relationships, kooks like Ssempa must either gloss over the sexual details for everyone in exactly same way, or act all aghast in about them in exactly the same way.
Well… Unless, of course, they expect that all straight couples have had sex precisely as many times as they have children. But then they’re crazy for an entirely different reason.
Thanks to Slap reader Tom for alerting me to this incredible story.
- Pastor shows gay porn in church [Associated Press]
Churches Want Involvement In Marriage Commissioner Case
The Saskatchewan Court of Appeal will consider and rule on whether or not civil marriage commissioners can deny their otherwise public services to gay couples. The case is in response to a request from the provincial government, which is seeking information on the constitutionality of a proposed legislation to allow just that sort of thing.
In addition to the usual suspects—unions, rights groups, and some individuals—several church organizations have sought intervener status so that they can speak on the case. Most will argue that presiding over a gay marriage violates the religious freedoms of the individuals doing the presiding.
Churches are already exempt from Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms and therefore do not need to serve everyone equally regardless of their gender, race, or sexual orientation. That does not, however, apply to individuals. At least not yet—and that includes civil marriage commissioners, who are, after all, just people who perform the legal duties at non-religious wedding ceremonies for people who do not wish to get married by a priest in a church. They’re not, nor are they supposed to be, representatives of their personal religion.
Nevertheless, the Canadian Fellowship of Churches and Ministers, the Seventh-Day Adventist Church, the Chancellor of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Saskatoon, the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada, and the Christian Legal Fellowship are all seeking to influence this public ruling. (I shall assume that they all pay taxes, then…)
Here’s my thoughts. Much in the same way that a vegetarian mustn’t deny a carnivore a boating license (lest the carnivore go fishing in violation of the vegetarian’s personal beliefs), a marriage commissioner cannot deny a marriage license to a gay couple; and that’s the way it should stay.
I mean, where did this idea come from that you can just avoid the duties that you’re expected to do? (cough, cough)
Anti-Gay Church Stripped Of Charitable Status
The Kings Glory Fellowship, a Protestant church in Calgary, Alberta, has lost their tax exempt status because they spent too much time involved in political activities outside the church, including actively campaigning against gay rights.
Religious officials are pretty miffed, including Calgary’s Bishop Fred Henry, who said this incident was “clearly meant to muzzle religious leaders.”
Yes, I can see it now… Dusk falls at the offices of Canada Revenue Agency. The government’s tax regulators congregate in full accountant regalia, sworn brothers in a secret plot to locate Calgary’s religious leaders and attach leather jaw restraints while they sleep.
I’m actually a little disappointed that the truth is so much more boring.
Tax exemptions, you see, are only available for charitable causes, not political ones. If a church wishes to actively affect policy for those that have nothing to do with its religion or beliefs, it becomes part of the public sphere and must contribute to it with income and property taxes. Once they do, they’re free to go outside of their congregations to lecture, publish, organize, put on charming foil hats, bang on pots and pans for effect, terrorize minority groups with neon placards, and do all the other things that wacky, anti-gay lobby and activist groups do. No leather jaw restraints required.
If a church doesn’t want to contribute to the public realm with taxes, then they can abide by their own decision and limit their political influence to inside their private congregations. Well, at least 90% of their influence, anyway. They’re allowed 10% for some reason. See? Who said the CRA isn’t generous?
Anti-Gay Anglicans Lose Court Battle
An amusingly bizarre rift over same-sex blessings in the Anglican Church has felt its latest tremor after a court decision late last month.
Harnessing the healing power of embittered legal conflict, four Anglican parishes sued the Diocese in May over a property battle stemming from a disagreement about same-sex blessings and other differences of very, very little significance. (The lawsuit was heartily endorsed by Jesus himself, purportedly.)
Well, now the court has reached its verdict. The land and buildings claimed by St. John’s Shaughnessy, St. Matthew’s, St. Matthias, and St. Luke’s parishes are rightfully the property of the Diocese, and the breakaway parishes can not seize them for themselves.
Having settled the property dispute, all sides have now decided to put their disagreements behind them and rejoin, strengthened by a renewed commitment to sheltering the homeless, feeding the hungry, and offering comfort to the less fortunate…
Hahaha! Ah, I’m just pulling your leg. They’re totally still exchanging petty insults and stuff.
- Court rules on same-sex church battle [BC Local News]
- Court denies breakaway parishioners [Canada.com]
Megachurch Bans Pepsi Over Homosexuality
A megachurch in Brandon, Florida has removed all of their Pepsi vending machines (ten in total) and replaced them with Coca-Cola machines because they say Pepsi has been “advocating for the normalization of homosexual behaviour in our culture.”
A spokesperson for the church, Terry Kemple, explained that companies like Pepsi are just going hog-wild with all sorts of crazy shenanigans:
These companies were doing anti-family things like distributing pornography and advocating special rights based on a person’s choice of sexual partners. We fight this battle one skirmish at a time. Our forefathers came here for religious liberty, not sexual liberty.
Jenny Schlavone, the Director of Communications for Pepsi, said that the church was actually just referring to small grants made “in direct support of safety and respect in the workplace,” basically anti-discrimination programs to ensure that gay people aren’t fired and mistreated just for being gay. (Although I imagine she went right back to distributing corporate-branded pornography to preschoolers after the interview. Those crazy companies!)
Coca-Cola, incidentally, also supports equality for gay employees. But then again, churches can’t stop selling both major manufacturers of soda beverages! I mean, what would Jesus think?
- Brandon Baptist church pulls plug on Pepsi [Brandon News & Tribune]
- Brandon church claims Pepsi promotes gay lifestyle [ABC News]
Churches Call For Ethiopian Ban On Homosexuality
The Roman Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant churches in Ethiopia have gathered to formally call on their government to enact a constitutional ban on homosexuality. Being gay is already illegal in Ethiopia with prison sentences of up to five years—but why settle for boring, old illegal when it can be constitutionally illegal!
An anonymous spokesperson for the church coalition spoke to journalists after their meeting to explain:
For [gays] to act in this manner they have to be dumb, stupid like animals. We strongly condemn this behaviour; they have to be disciplined and their acts discriminated—they have to be taught a lesson.
Yes, having solved all those pesky, dire famine and plague issues, Ethiopia’s churches are finally moving onto other priorities—and what better way to start than to judge and punish all those dumb, dumb gays that are holding back the country?
You stay relevant, you Ethiopian church coalition, you!
- Ethiopian faith leaders call for constitutional ban on homosexuality [PinkNews.co.uk]
Church Predicts Brimstone For Katy Perry
A tiny church in Backlick, Ohio has drawn some ire from local residents over its illuminated sign out front: “I kissed a girl and I liked it. Then I went to hell.”
The text is, of course, a reference to a hit song by Katy Perry, though I’m not sure why they don’t share the world’s enthusiasm for mass-manufactured pop music. When asked about the sign, Reverend Dave Allison said that the message shouldn’t be a shock to anyone, saying that the sign was posted “as a loving warning to teens.”
Aw, gee. That really makes you feel loved, doesn’t it?
- Church turns pop lyrics into a bit of brimstone [Columbus Dispatch]
Gay-Friendly Churches To Ignore Blessing Ban
Despite last month’s decision by the Anglican Church to ban same-sex blessings, several brave churches are going ahead with the practice anyway.
Toronto’s Holy Trinity Church and Victoria’s St. Saviour’s Church have both declared their intentions to continue to bless same-sex couples against the rules of the national church, the latter saying that they even plan to full-out marry gay couples should the opportunity arise.
Of course, the hierarchy isn’t too happy. A senior Anglican official, under the protection of anonymity, said priests will be disciplined if they are too liberal with their blessings. And I think they mean business: Antonio Osorio, an Anglican priest, was issued a warning this month after blessing four same-sex couples, even though the blessing was simply a general blessing of members of the community. In the past year, two Anglican priests have even been ejected over the practice.
- Churches to defy same-sex ban [CBC News]
- Anglican priests set to defy same-sex blessing ban [Canada.com]
Church Supports Gays in Face of Shutdown
Scott Tribe writes in with an interesting story: The U.S. Episcopal Church has voted to face expulsion from the Anglican hierarchy rather than reject gay rights. The Anglican Church issued an ultimatum in February for what it called “errant” churches, which support gay clergy and bless same-sex marriages.
The Canadian Anglicans are expected to vote to let each parish decide whether or not to accept or reject the ultimatum in June. Retired archbishop Terrance Finlay, who was suspended in October for officiating over a gay wedding, encouraged the church to follow the U.S. example:
Be willing to risk the cause of love over institutionalism.
Well said!
- Gay rights, church’s ‘defining moment’ [Toronto Star]
Church Threatened With Shutdown Over Gay Blessings
B.C. Anglican churches may be forced to shut down if they don’t stop blessing gays. The Anglican Communion, a global collection of Anglican authorities, issued this ultimatum to “errant” churches last week in Tanzania.
This is especially unfortunate for the churchgoing community who agrees with their local church over the foreign ultimatum. Under the Anglican structure, church buildings are owned by the Anglican denomination itself, not the individual parishes who pay their mortgage. If a parish is thrown out of the denomination, it must surrender the property, or pay double to purchase it.
Throwing an entire community out of their church for blessing gay people like anyone else… That’s totally what Jesus would do, right?
- Gay rights split Anglicans [Toronto SUN]
- Call to bar same-sex blessings split Canadian Anglicans [Globe and Mail]
Church Refuses Communion To Elderly Gay Couple
An anti-gay archbishop? Unthinkable! Well, OK, maybe not.
Archbishop Terrence Prendergast of the Halifax archdiocese has demanded that his priests refuse holy communion to Daniel Poirier and Jack Murphy, an elderly gay couple.
The unexpected and swift punishment came after the two 69-year-olds published their wedding announcement in a local newspaper. The couple, who have been Roman Catholic their entire lives, were completely shocked.
“It really was a blow,” said Daniel. “When we went to church there, it was like going into a warehouse; it was cold, because when everybody got up to receive communion, we had to sit down. I was almost in tears and my heart was broken.”
The church also removed Daniel from his position as choir director.
Ah, isn’t the Catholic Church enlightened? It’s such a simple idea: Judge others harshly in front of friends and community by exploiting the Holy Sacrament! After all, gay sinners are, like, 50 cagillion times worse than straight sinners. That’s the Church’s motto, right?
Well, until Monday, folks! Have a great weeken—oh, wait, no. There was some other recent news I was supposed to remember to tell you guys about today… What was it? Something about a vote—a defeated motion, maybe? I think it might have involved a 52-vote margin. Oh well, I’m sure it was nothing newsworthy.
Have a good one!
- Gay couple losing their religion [Chronicle Herald]
- MPs defeat bid to reopen same-sex marriage debate [CBC News]
Scarborough MP Makes Up A Bunch Of Anti-Gay Stuff
An enormously improbable 94% of Scarborough constituents want to re-open the marriage debate. At least, that’s the world according to their MP, John Cannis, who derived these results from the responses to his own uniquely-worded survey.
Last Friday, in the lovely St. John’s Greek Orthodox Church, John held a meeting to discuss why same-sex marriage is a horrific, dangerous, all-out nasty, terrible, uh… thing. In addition to showcasing his amazing survey, he announced that “polygamist groups use [same-sex marriage] to pursue their own Charter cases,” also adding that the current legislation doesn’t address the “issue of same-sex adoption” and that “if a priest or pastor refuses [to solemnize a same-sex marriage], he is not protected.”
You know what? That looks like fun! Let me try:
After the speech, John joined the magical forest gnomes as they danced out into the sugar-drop rain with their mushroom umbrellas. After a hearty meal of pinecones, he lead all the woodland creatures in song, rejoicing and dancing along to Crystal Water’s Gypsy Woman. “La da dee, la da daa,” they giggled.
Meanwhile, back in the land of Scarborough, constituents actively pondered why their MP isn’t fighting polygamy instead of same-sex marriage, if that’s what he’s really worried about. They also decided that adoption probably isn’t mentioned in the marriage legislation because it’s really a marriage law that deals with marriage rights, not adoption. Later, they scratched their heads heartily at the bizarre notion that priests aren’t protected. “Are you freaking kidding me?” they asked rhetorically. “It’s stated redundantly in the preamble to the whole equal marriage law! All the MPs read it! The Supreme Court of Canada was even consulted before the initial debate even began and ruled that clergy is protected by the Charter!”
Then the constituents collapsed into comas and waited for this nonsensical demagoguery to be done with, as I’m prepared to do.
Ah, that was fun. Well, until Friday, folks!
- Scarborough MP discusses same sex marriage question with residents [Scarborough Mirror]
Church Almost Sorta Thinks About Welcoming Gays
A group of U.S. Catholic bishops decided last week that the Church ought to be more accepting of gay people. In fact, after lengthy deliberation, they’ve officially adopted new guidelines acknowledging that gay people do not choose their orientation and should therefore receive communion! Well, with some provisions, of course. If you have sex, try to marry your partner, or tell anyone you’re gay, then there’s no communion for you!
So, there you have it. The Church’s definition of gay is now “total closet case.” I guess that’s still better than their old definition: “Spawn of evil incarnate.”
- Catholic Bishops tell gays to remain celebate [Reuters Canada]
Church Suspends Gay-Friendly Archibishop
The Anglican Church has suspended a retired Archibishop for blessing a same-sex couple at their wedding. Although the wedding took place in a non-Anglican church and the marriage certificate was signed by a different, non-Anglican minister, Archibishop Terrence Finlay was suspended for officiating over Mary Rowe and Sandra Morris, his longtime friends.
Gee, from what all the anti-gay groups were saying earlier, I thought same-sex marriage was supposed to be a terrifying slippery slope—forcing priests to marry gay couples left-and-right. Who’d have thunk that it’s the priests who’d be forced to refuse their blessings?
And just think! If we get that new Defence of Religions act that Justice Minister Vic Toews promised (because religions are having such a hard time), then a Justice of the Peace or civil marriage commissioner can refuse their officiation, too!
Whoops! Watch your step here, folks; it’s icy!
