OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Conspiracy theories
Canada’s Newest Nutty Publication
Normally I slap media outlets because of wild homophobia and right-wing misinformation. This week, though, I ran across a Canadian newspaper which bills itself as “Canada’s new socially progressive and cross-cultural national newspaper.” While it’s a nice change to read stories raising awareness about homophobia and transgender violence, I have to bring up this publication up as proof that nonsensical accusations and fanaticism can come from any part of the political spectrum.
The Canadian National is prominently featuring an article that calls AIDS the result of a CIA eugenics conspiracy. The author, Alan Cantwell, says that the government designed HIV and purposefully introduced it into the gay community under the guise of hepatitis B vaccinations in the late 1970s:
There is no doubt that AIDS erupted in the U.S. shortly after government-sponsored hepatitis B vaccine experiments (1978-1981) using gay men as guinea pigs. [...]
Are we to believe that [...] AIDS in America resulted simply from two viruses jumping species in the African jungle? Or is the origin of HIV and AIDS—and the KS virus—related to secret medical research and covert human testing [...]?
I wasn’t sure how to go about showing this is utter nonsense, mind you, but thankfully Jim Burroway at Box Turtle Bulletin has done that for me:
The first known case of AIDS was found in a 1959 blood sample drawn from an unknown man in Leopoldville, Belgian Congo (today’s Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo, formerly Zaire). This was long before the hepatitis B vaccine experiments [...]
Jim debunks some of the article’s other claims as well, but it doesn’t take much skepticism to understand that the knowledge and technology to design a human virus as complex as HIV simply didn’t exist in the 1970s.
So, as unjust as the U.S. government’s reaction to the AIDS epidemic in the gay community was throughout the 1980s, I don’t believe it was a CIA conspiracy. The lack of a decent and reasonably priced mojito in the greater Montréal area, on the other hand…
The Gay Conspiracy Uncovered
A Catholic bishop in Scotland announced last week that gay people have mounted a “huge and well-orchestrated conspiracy” crafted exclusively to destroy Christian values. Speaking at a packed lecture in Glasgow, Reverend Joseph Devine simply couldn’t contain his shocking discoveries:
The homosexual lobby has been extremely effective in aligning itself with minority groups. It is ever-present at the service each year for the Holocaust memorial, as if to create for themselves the image of a group of people under persecution.
Can you imagine the nerve of us gays, honoring holocaust victims as if any of them were persecuted for being gay themselves? But, as a gay, incapable of human emotion, I shouldn’t be surprised that he saw right through that cunning stratagem.
That’s not all that the Reverend Devine discovered about the grassy knoll, mind you:
In this New Year’s honours list, I saw actor Ian McKellen being honoured for his work on behalf of homosexuals, when a century ago Oscar Wilde was locked up and put in jail. It’s a very small group of people, but very active and organised—and extremely indulgent.
Ah, yes; don’t we all wax nostalgic, now and then, for those halcyon days of old when gay people like me were simply locked away instead of insisting on all these crazy indulgences like equal rights? Surely those were simpler times…
Luckily, our great conspiracy is seeing an end to all that. And as long as this Reverend doesn’t uncover the giant homosexual space laser orbiting Earth until the day of prophecy, we shall always be a few steps ahead!
