OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Doctors
“Homosexual Friction Heat” Causes Swine Flu Susceptibility: Researcher
Masturbation and “homosexual activities” will significantly increase the body’s susceptibility to Swine Flu—at least according to Dr. V. M. Palaniappan, a Malaysian practitioner of complimentary therapy.
Dr. Palaniappan says that his 33 years of research shows that heat friction brought on by homosexual activities will turn the body “hyperacidised,” increasing opportunities of infection by H1N1, the virus causing Swine Flu. Palaniappan emphasised, however, that intercourse between opposite-sex partners was “absolutely safe,” presumably because heterosexual sex is less hot.
Hey, who am I to question science?
Now, if you didn’t get this news in time and are worried that your body has become hyperacidised with acidosity brought on by ultragayification, Dr. Palaniappan does have some advice. Drinking coconut water twice daily, he says, may help counteract the acidity caused by gay friction.
Thanks to all of the Slap readers who sent in this bit of ridiculousness!
Lesbians File Rights Complaint Against Doctor
A human rights complaint has been filed against a Winnipeg family doctor who allegedly refused a lesbian couple as patients.
While it’s not clear if the doctor actually outright refused to treat Andrea and Ginette Markowski, her chilly attitude and ignorant comments were clear as day. In an interview with the Winnipeg Free Press, Dr. Kamelika Elias said that she didn’t know how to treat lesbians, that it was against her religion, and that gay people “get a lot of diseases and infections” with which she has no experience treating.
I’m not entirely sure which religion Dr. Elias claims to profess, but it should be easy enough to discover. I’ll just try Googling the relevant commandment: “Thou shalt helpeth others in their hour of need—except whenceforth a forbidden gayness eminates.”
- Doctor did not discriminate against lesbians:clinic [National Post]
- Doctor’s alleged refusal to treat lesbians sparks rights complaint [Globe and Mail]
Study: Family Reaction Key To Gay Health
Gay youth are at a greater risk of suicide, depression, and self-destructive behaviours if their family reacts negatively when they come out of the closet, a new study has revealed.
Researchers at San Francisco State University found that even marginally supportive behaviour from parents toward their gay children reduced cases of drug abuse threefold, severe depression sixfold, and suicide attempts eightfold.
Caitlin Ryan, the lead researcher of the study, said that while the results are intuitive, many parents still respond in very harmful ways. Parents may have severe, negative reactions to learning about their child’s sexual orientation—such as forcing teens out of their homes, or forbidding them from associating with gay friends—in the hopes that an expression of extreme disapproval will somehow turn their kids straight. Ryan suggested that, while most parents have the very best intentions, greater education is required, and doctors should help spread that message.
Sten Vermund, a pediatrician at Vanderbilt University, agreed, saying that while many parents may have difficulty offering the support their gay children need, it’s important to try:
Someone can still be uncomfortable with their child’s sexual orientation, but if they are somewhat more accepting and do the best the can, they will do the youth a lot of good. That, to me, is an important message.
A great message, indeed, and an excellent lesson with which to start off the new year. Hope you all had a fantastic holiday, kids!
Male Doctor Homophobia Surprises Researchers
Researchers at the University of Alberta’s Glen Sather Sports Medicine Clinic have found that athletes prefer female doctors to male ones. While the results were primarily attributed to the non-confrontational and caring attitude of female doctors, Dr. Marni Wesner, one of the researchers conducting the work, said she was taken off-guard by one additional recurring element: homophobia.
In particular, Wesner said that some male athletes expressed they’d dislike a male team doctor because they “don’t know if he’s gay.”
Now, this might just be me, but a doctor’s sexual orientation would probably concern me less than, say, the crippling pain that sent me there in the first place. Though, if potential attraction were a concern, I’d remind myself that doctors have seen so much anatomy under the context of injuries and infections that they probably turned asexual long ago.
- Jocks prefer female MDs, study suggests [Edmonton Journal]
