OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Ottawa
Jesus Sends Letters To Ottawa Gay Business
Monumental news! Jesus Christ—a tremendously influential historical figure, human incarnation of the Christian deity, and inspiration for the yearly increments of both the Julian and Gregorian Calendar—has communicated from beyond the earthly realm! For the first time since his bodily ascension into the sky nearly 2000 years ago, Jesus has spoken with humans in a way that leaves actual, physical proof.
His topic: Homosexuality.
It’s an interesting choice. Having refrained from mentioning anything about it, even once, during his time in the New Testament, Jesus has decided to finally clarify his position on gays via a letter sent to the owner of the After Stonewall bookshop in Ottawa, Ontario. “Those who continue to sin in homosexuality and their sympathizers,” Jesus writes, “will be going to the Pit for Eternity.”
“I cannot make this any plainer,” he continues, “homosexuality is a sin.”
Well, it’s a bit of a shift in character for a guy who was always speaking out against judgement, instead teaching love and acceptance. The owner of the bookshop has even expressed doubt that the letter was even written by Jesus in the first place. Nonetheless, we should alert the pope just in case. I’ll send a text. Anyone have his number?
- Gay bookstore gets letter from Jesus [Capital Xtra]
Ottawa School Board Wants To Know If You’re Gay
The Ottawa-Carleton District School Board is handing out surveys to each of its students in grades 7 to 12, asking—among other things—whether or not they’re gay.
The survey, which is not anonymous, specifically asks “How do you identify your sexual orientation?” The offered choices include: “Bisexual, Gay (male), Heterosexual (straight), Lesbian (female), Queer, Questioning, Transsexual, Two-spirited,” and “Prefer not to disclose.”
The school board says that knowing the diversity of students will help them correlate it with other data and decide which support avenues and other programs are required.
Well, their heart’s in the right place, even if their brain is locked in a committee meeting room, sipping coffee below buzzing fluorescent lights, contemplating even more excruciatingly dull forms for other people to suffer through.
Here’s my beef with the survey question. Even if every student answers honestly—and they won’t; I wouldn’t have in grade 7—it doesn’t take a survey to conclude that there are gay students in the system that have unique needs to be addressed through support programs. Gay people represent a consistent proportion of the population, they generally have a harder time fitting in at school, they’re more likely to be bullied, and they very much dislike filling out stupid forms. Help ‘em out, Ottawa-Careton District School Board!
- Board to ask students if they are gay [Ottawa Citizen]
- Ottawa students asked about sexual orientation [CBC News]
Homophobic Hate Mail Annoys Ottawa City Councillors
Ottawa City Councillors are annoyed to have been flooded with angry, homophobic hate emails this month. The messages—which originated from one man, but were sent from multiple email accounts to presumably bypass the councillor’s email filters—railed hysterically against Alex Munter and the Youth Services Bureau of Ottawa, which he heads.
City Councillor Rick Chiarelli, who forwarded the hate messages to the police, said that members of the Council were “appalled” with the “threatening and disgusting” e-attacks, calling the content “narrow-minded and unsubstantiated.”
The Youth Services Bureau also commented on the emails, saying: “We have a long history of supporting LGBT youth; it goes right back to the 1980s and we are very proud of our role in fighting homophobia and supporting LGBT youth with our services.”
Good on ‘em!
- Munter target of anti-gay e-mails [Ottawa Citizen]
- Anti-gay emails flood Ottawa city councillors’ inboxes [Xtra]
Walk The Bridge In My Shoes: How Homophobia Affects Everyone
Twenty years ago today, Alain Brosseau was walking home from his job waiting tables at the Chateau Laurier Hotel in Ottawa when he was attacked and killed by a group of men because they thought he was gay. He wasn’t.
To mark the tragic event, the Ottawa community is organising a show of solidarity called Walk The Bridge In My Shoes. It begins tonight at 7pm, starting with the viewing of a 1996 documentary at the National Art Gallery and concluding with a walk down the Alexandra Bridge, where Brosseau was dropped head-first onto a pile of rocks. Organisers encourage all participants to bring cell phones or flashlights to light up the bridge, while the Ottawa and Gatineau Chiefs of Police meet mid-way for a symbolic exchange.
Twenty years ago may seem like a while, but gay bashings are still a reality and you don’t need to be gay to become a victim. These incidents will not go unnoticed; homophobia needs to be nipped in the bud.
- Ceremony to mark 1989 fatal gay-bashing [CBC News]
Texan Posters Launch 44 Tiara Brains
In my web travels, I often collect stories that I intend to share, but then become distracted by newer, shinier stories—or feel too lazy to illustrate them individually. This is what becomes of those stories: a Pile o’ Slaps!
A Texan mayor has announced that he’s leaving the States to legally live with his lover, a gay, illegal immigrant. In other news, conservative Texans have been mysteriously exploding.
A progressive church in Québec has embraced the silly “Adam and Steve” play on words, erecting a large anti-homophobia poster with the slogan: “Si Jésus aimait Jean, pourquoi pas Adam et Steve?” Or, if I may flex my translation skills: “If Jesus loved John, why not Adam and Steve?”, referring to a popular French expression about John being “the disciple Jesus loved.” Already, the sign has caused controversy as some residents complain about its proximity to a school bus stop, and one enraged mother declaring “I don’t care what people do in their bedroom but I don’t have a picture of my husband and I naked with a fig leaf in front of our crotch outside my house.” Err… Does that mean she doesn’t use the fig leaf?
Still on the topic of Québec, the province has announced that they will be launching an anti-homophobia campaign by the end of the year. The campaign has been confirmed to be province wide, hopefully referring to Alberta—where it’s needed most.
Speaking of which, the Alberta legislature is very, very close to passing the inappropriate Bill 44, legislation that will require teachers to receive parental permission before mentioning any gay topics in class, and to pull out any students whose parents don’t approve. A good clue that this is a terrible idea: The National Post, Canada’s largest right-wing newspaper, is already referring to it as hillbilly human rights.
Slap reader John writes in with a story about a gay student who successfully ran as his high school’s homecoming queen, complete with tiara rights. Congratulations!
Finally, Canada’s capital city is examining the health of its arts scene and nightlife as more and more gay Ottawans leave for larger neighbouring cities, such as Toronto and Montréal. It’s what city officials are dubbing the “gay brain drain,” but, uh, are they absolutely sure it’s due to the arts scene and not, say, proximity to Stephen Harper?
Well, that’s all for this Pile o’ Slaps! Until next time, have a great weekend kids!
Businesses Battle Over Ottawa’s Gay Village
Plans to turn six blocks of Ottawa’s Bank Street into a gay village have been put on hold after contradicting surveys put a chill on the proposal. Two surveys commissioned by the Bank Street Promenade Business Improvement Area failed to conclusively state whether or not area businesses would be open to branding the street as a gay neighbourhood. The first survey suggested that 75% of business owners in the area opposed the idea, while the second suggested that 73% were in favour.
Other cities, such as Toronto, Vancouver, and Montréal have thriving gay villages which draw tourists and have revitalized what would otherwise be rundown neighbourhoods. However, these areas generally formed organically on their own without surveys and committees drafting up plans for a tourism boost.
Still, I’m not sure I buy all the opponents’ excuses. A spokesperson for the Bank Street Promenade said that some businesses were concerned that branding the neighbourhood would pigeon-hole them, saying “they feel they needed a policy that would not convey any special status or treatment or benefit of one group over another.”
You know, because all the Chinatowns, Latin Quarters, and Little Italy’s worldwide are totally about favouritism, right?
- Gay village bid set back by clashing surveys [The Ottawa Citizen]
Anglican Church Kinda Approves Same-Sex Blessings
Ottawa Anglicans have voted to allow priests to approach the bishop to request that they can bless same-sex couples.
(I’ll wait if you need to re-read that.)
This clear and decisive baby step passed by a vote of 177 to 97 on Saturday, making Ottawa Anglicans the first in Canada to not officially forbid same-sex blessings. A national meeting over the summer decided that blessing same-sex couples was not against core church doctrine, but that such blessings should be banned. Blessings that are allowed nationally include heterosexual unions, births, houses, boats, and pets.
- Ottawa Anglicans approve same-sex marriages in vote [Canada.com]
Dyke March Posters Vandalized
An Ottawa vandal has been searching out and defacing posters promoting the city’s annual Dyke March. The posters, which encouraged people to support the march and attend the family BBQ and concert afterwards, had crosses scratched over faces in black marker, accompanied by the words “sin” and “repent.”
Attendance of the march was decimated due to the vandal’s actions.
…
Nah, I’m totally kidding! The vandal wasted a Sharpie.
- More posters vandalized in leadup to big weekend [Capital Xtra]
Government Makes Anti-Gay Wikipedia Edits
Office computers belonging to the Parliament Buildings in Ottawa have been used to vandalize Wikipedia articles with anti-gay comments. (Wikipedia, for the benefit of the recently non-comatose, is an online encyclopedia to which anyone can contribute.)
A reporter for the St. Catharine’s Standard found several anti-gay themed edits—including one asserting that a Conservative MP who voted in favour of same-sex marriage was gay himself, and another declaring that Mussolini and Hitler were gay lovers.
A quick search using the Wikipedia Scanner revealed even more Parliament edits. One in particular, made to an article entitled Members of the 39th Canadian Parliament and same-sex marriage, replaced the unbiased phrase “opposite-sex marriage” with “normal and traditional marriage,” and the phrase “an anti- gay marriage website had indicated [...]” with “a real marriage website had indicated [...]” The vandal also inserted a new sentence into the article: “However, it seems that the Canadian public is still firmly against same-sex marriage by a large majority.” A demonstrably false claim.
Each instance of vandalism was reverted almost immediately, as is the Wikipedia norm, but it’s great to know what our Government workers do with their our time, no?
- Beware of what you read on Wiki; Government computers used to make peculiar edits on website [St. Catharine's Standard]
Refugees, Flags, Censorship, and Constitutionality
Let’s do the follow-up thing today:
- Alvaro Orozco, the refugee who was denied Canadian citizenship because he didn’t look “gay enough” is still facing deportation to Nicaragua where homosexuality is illegal. The application to re-open his case was dismissed, but there’s still a chance he could file a standard application for immigration from within Canada on humanitarian grounds. Sadly, pretending to be gay to obtain refugee status is not uncommon, but the circumstances under which Orozco’s application was denied were downright silly.
- Niagara Falls officials have replaced the Pride flag that mysteriously vanished less than four hours after its raising ceremony. Thankfully they have “some ideas” to make sure this one stays put. At the top of the list: piping in Kylie Minogue to create an appropriate anti-heterosexual radius.
- The City of Ottawa has adopted policies ensuring that Capital Xtra, a gay community newspaper, cannot be censored from city community centres. The paper was removed from a public facility after Greg Evans, a local man, complained that his son could have seen it at basketball practice. Though the paper’s censorship was illegal, I can attest to the dangers of gay community newspapers: The last time I picked one up, I got a paper cut.
- The federal conservatives’ scrapping of the gay-friendly Court Challenges Program has turned out to be illegal. According to a report by the official languages commissioner, removing public funding to challenge unconstitutional laws violated Officials Languages Act. The government, in the interests of transparency and accountability, has not responded.
Well, have a great weekend kiddos!
Gay Publisher Vandalized Again
Poor Capital Xtra. The popular gay community newspaper just can’t get a break from vandalism. In the past few years, their distribution boxes have been spray painted, covered in slurs, bolted shut, robbed, illegally removed from public facilities, and now burned!
Over the Victoria Day long weekend, a vandal set fire to some of the magazine’s distribution boxes, ruining about 80 issues and damaging the metal and plexiglas.
In response to the continued defacements, the magazine has started a “very informal” adopt-a-box program. Each of the adorable purple boxes will get a reader volunteer to check up on it from time to time. As with real children, adoptive parents are to report back if their baby gets spray painted, covered in slurs, bolted shut, robbed, illegally removed from public facilities, or burned.
- Vandals set Capital Xtra boxes on fire [Capital Xtra]
Ottawa Employees Circulate Homophobic Email
The city of Ottawa is investigating two of its senior employees after a vulgar joke was emailed to staff members. The email, titled “Gentlemen, it’s time for your annual ‘Am I Gay’ self-examination,” contained a series of quick tests to determine one’s own sexual orientation. This included such gems as: “If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo,” “if you know more than six names of colors [...] you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass,” and, for those that like lollipops, “you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.”
City Councillor Maria McRae called the emails hurtful and a blatant abuse of the city’s e-mail system. I call it a lame attempt at comedy. I mean, cats? Colours? Lollipops? There wasn’t even one Kylie reference! As a gay man, I’m insulted.
- Inbox outrage at City Hall [Ottawa SUN]
- Hunt under way for offensive City Hall e-mailers [Ottawa SUN]
Ottawa Illegally Pulls Gay Newspaper Distribution
Won’t someone please think of the children!?
An Ottawa city councilor is out to ban Capital Xtra, a weekly gay community newspaper, from being distributed in public after a father complained that his son saw an ad for a gay chat line at a local community centre. An ad! How awful!
The paper (which has already been the victim of mass-theft and defacement) was immediately pulled from the centre’s display case, and now the city is mulling over bylaws to prevent its distribution elsewhere. Greg Evans, the father, is encouraged by the city’s actions, but was pretty shaken up: “I sat there looking back and forth at the pictures and words at the kids’ basketball practice, and I thought, ‘this is wrong!’”
Gareth Kirkby, the editor of Capital Xtra, is furious:
Capital Xtra is not an adult publication. It is a community newspaper. The municipal government has no business restricting the content of community newspapers.
We at Capital Xtra are tired of being labeled obscene, or adult material, or even pornography. [...] It’s time city hall acknowledged that queer individuals, couples and families live throughout the city, use the full range of city services, and have the same rights to access their community newspaper of choice as is enjoyed by straight families.
Rusell Zinn, a lawyer for for the paper added that there are serious legal issues with the city’s actions, saying the paper’s removal “is not only illegal, but highly offensive to the city’s gay and lesbian community.”
As for the shattered family: There’s no word yet on how gay Greg’s son turned after seeing the ads, but—just to play it safe—he’ll probably subscribe to the Ottawa SUN, where his children can view ads for straight chat line, dating, and escort services.
- Gay publication Xtra peeved at centre censor [Ottawa SUN]
- Action Alert [Capital Xtra]
- Rights versus ‘wrong’ [Ottawa Citizen]
Crazy Vandal Attacks Gay Publisher
Poor Capital Xtra—the weekly, non-profit gay newspaper is being attacked again! Just one year after a 47-year old man was fined for bolting the publisher’s distribution boxes shut with power tools, dousing them in brown paint, and spray-painting “HIV” and swastikas on them, the paper’s distribution channel has been targeted again. This time, thousands of copies of the paper are being stolen from Ottawa’s downtown locations.
Gareth Kirkby, the managing editor of Xtra, invited the vandal or vandals to seek other channels for their message:
What is not right is for them to impose their views on our readership by restricting access to the papers. We have challenged them to write a letter to get it off their chest. We’ll even give them a column if they want.
In the meantime, readers are welcome to read Xtra online, or seek alternate publications for their news, such as, oh… I don’t know—Slap Upside The Head!
Uh, incidentally, I was at home at the time of the thefts. I don’t live in Ottawa. That’s pen ink on my fingers, not newsprint. My beautiful Xtra mosaic ceiling was assembled from issues donated by recycling centres. This interrogation is over!
- Gay weekly complains of hate crimes again [Ottawa Citizen]
It’s The National Marriage Caucus!
A National Marriage Circus! Sounds like fun! I can’t wait to see all the clowns and animals… Oh—wait, no. I misread something…
The anti-gay lobby conglomerate, Defend Marriage Coalition, held their long-planned “National Marriage Caucus” on Parliament Hill yesterday, and boy, was it one long day of gay-despising fun! There were clowns and animals and… Yes, I know it says “caucus.”
The lobbyists started the day off with some anti-gay press releases, followed by some scheduled one-on-one anti-gay time with MPs to exchange delightful bits of oft-repeated, Pro-Family Approved™ demagoguery. This included:
- Holy Crap! Our religious freedoms have been revoked!
- Man Alive! Gay marriage was, like, forced through! Was there even a debate?
- Great Caesar’s Ghost! Don’t you care about children’s rights?!
- Sweet, Merciful Manta Ray! My own marriage has been destroyed!
- Heavenly Carton Of Fancy Molasses! My family turned gay and burst into flames!
- Holy Floating Wad Of Fluff! For The Love Of All The Soil In The Ecosystem! Heaven Shining Upon The… Actually—I think that was the gist of it.
So what does this near-prohibitively expensive day of lobbying mean for us Canadians? I guess we’ll just have to curl up in the corner and wait nervously until that fateful day in December when parliament gathers to—ooh! My pumpkin cookies are ready!
- Gay marriage critics, supporters, lobby MPs ahead of free vote [CBC News]
- Lobby groups tussle over same-sex bill [Globe and Mail]
Pray For Liberal MPs: Christian Group
Nothing productive to do last weekend? Wish you could have found something other than the ol’ Saturday-afternoon reruns to waste your time? Then perhaps you should have joined the nearly 5000 Christians who travelled to Parliament Hill on Saturday to pray for Liberal MPs to overturn the same-sex marriage!
Oh, boy. An endlessly fun pray-in was organized by the Christian lobby group, “4 My Canada,” who, in addition to mass-wishing for anti-gay legislation, also arranged prayers to increase the age of sexual consent and outlaw abortions. Organizer Christina Groot, from Vancouver, hinted that they’re not out to berate MPs with different ideologies, just pray for their souls.
The Bible instructs believers to honour and pray for those in authority. We’re not pointing the finger at our politicians. We really honour them as our leaders, and I think that’s a rare thing for them.
To make this “pray away the gays” event even more riveting, a loudspeaker system was hauled out so attendants could chant exciting (yet semantically vacant) slogans like “In the name of Jesus, we take back our sexual purity!”
No word on if a spontaneous lightning ball struck gay marriage from the law books immediately afterward, but if it didn’t, perhaps some research into multi-dimensional, electromagnetic space folding could help.
- Pray for your MP, say young Christians [Chronical Herald]
Anti-Gay Troops Rally
Hey, folks! So what were you up to yesterday? Working? Relaxing? How about riding the magical fantasy bus of über craziness? Sound exciting? Well, that’s what some people were up to! Except they had a different name for it, and—I gotta say—it sounds much less exciting the way they put it: “The Man and Woman Union.” Yawn.
The group, which consisted of about 200 Christians supported by two Conservative backbench MPs, traveled to our beloved Canadian parliament in Ottawa. Their goal: To convince the less than one dozen MPs who claim they’re still undecided on this fall’s bill to revoke gay marriage. Organizer Warren Booth spoke to the press:
If there are MPs who don’t know which way to vote, hopefully by seeing us and our passion against this, maybe we can help sway their opinion.
Uh, huh. Of course, the group wasn’t particularly subtle when asked what they have against the gays, claiming it’s a no-brainer. “It’s not a grey area,” Boothy said, “it’s black and white. What [the gays] are doing is sinful in the eyes of the Lord.” He then added: “Don’t get mad at us, we’re the messengers.”
Well, bonne chance, Man and Woman Union. You’ll need it! After all, even your celebrity guest speaker, MP Harold Albrecht, is downplaying his role in your group—and he’s the one that once said: “same-sex marriage will succeed in wiping out an entire society in just one generation.” Hah!
