OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Overreactions

Lesbian Couple Asked To Leave Tim Hortons

October 26th, 2011

A Tim Hortons manager approaches a lesbian couple, saying:

A young lesbian couple was asked to leave a Tim Hortons restaurant in Blenheim, Ontario after a pastor complained to the manager that the two were kissing.

The couple claims that they were simply holding hands and kissed each other on the cheek when a manager told them to get out or have to deal with the police. Embarrassed by the confrontation, the couple says they left, but not before the pastor who had complained held a prayer circle in the parking lot to pray for the couple’s souls. The two insist they weren’t acting lewd, nor would they have dreamed of it since once of their mothers was with them.

The pastor, on the other hand, says he was dining with his three year old son when he saw the couple with “their tongues locked together” and their “hands down each other’s pants.” Insisting he’s not homophobic, the pastor claims he didn’t even know the pants-grabbers were two women when he complained to the manager. What the couple thought was a prayer circle, he says, was just some parents chatting in the parking lot.

Well, that’s a rather large difference in narrative, wouldn’t you say?

I won’t bother speculating what may or may not have happened. I wasn’t there, and don’t have much patience for he said, she said descriptions where both sides are very probably exaggerating.

This isn’t a new type of story, though. Near-identical situations happen with almost routine timing (and equally creative storytelling from both sides), but they do tend to involve same-sex couples more often than not.

In general, people tend to be too uptight about PDAs—and that goes double when it comes to same-sex couples. Of course, managers are free to be selective with their customers and demand appropriate behaviour so long as the behaviour is defined consistently for all people (gay or straight) and customer selection doesn’t violate Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Personally, I’m not bothered by most PDAs, and I don’t think others should be either. In this case, I think there were options other than asking someone to leave that should have been explored. This starts with suggesting the complainant simply look away (it really works—pastors, give it a try). If things really started to make even the most reasonable patron uncomfortable, though, then the PDAers could have been politely be told to keep things within the realm of hand-holding and cheek-pecks and respect the restaurant manager’s expectations of customer conduct. Insisting that people avoid all affectionate contact or demanding that they leave altogether is unreasonable and unfair.

Management, incidentally, has apologised to the couple for what they call a misunderstanding. Nonetheless, the couple says they won’t be returning to a Tim Hortons restaurant any time soon.

WND Calls Ann Coulter Too Liberal

August 20th, 2010

Ann Coulter giving a speech with bags of money in the corner.

Ann Coulter, a professional controversialist and media darling of the extreme right-wing in the U.S., has been dropped as the keynote speaker for an ultra socially conservative  website’s conference because organizers found her too “unconservative.”

This conclusion was reached after WorldNetDaily, the conference organizers, discovered that Coulter was also a paid speaker at Homocon, a different conference held by gay Republicans.

So, there you go. To WND, simply speaking to gay people—even if it’s for money—is enough to undo a career of intolerance and queer-slandering and forever define yourself as a Liberal.

Senator Moves To Disallow Gay Families From Campsites

May 12th, 2010

Gay people go camping while a senator is alarmed that they've pitched a tent and have now taken out their wieners.

A Republican senator from Iowa is severely irked over the idea that gay couples should be allowed alongside heterosexual families on state campsites.

Lawmakers in Iowa have proposed updating the books so that gay couples will qualify for a family permit when camping. This would allow gay families to set up two tents on the same site so children and other state-defined dependents can join in on the weenie and marshmallow roasts. This, of course, sent state Republican Merlin Bartz into fits.

“A lot of the advocates of gay marriage in Iowa has said ‘It doesn’t affect anything; nothing has changed’,” Bartz told the press, “but the reality of it is that everything is changing.”

And, gosh, what a change this is. Gay parents are bringing their families to camp sites! That’s one of the signs of Armageddon, isn’t it?

(Thanks to Slap reader Kevin for alerting me to this one!)

Ugandan MP Says He Would Kill His Gay Family Members

February 26th, 2010

There was a human rights forum in Kampala late last week, with speakers largely discussing the horrifyingly anti-gay bill currently before parliament in Uganda. Otto Odonga, an MP in said parliament, decided to take the opportunity to declare that he would kill his own son if he ever found out that he were gay.

“There is something deeply wrong with you,” replied Makau Mutua, the forum’s keynote speaker.

And I really have nothing to add to that!

Gays Blessings Causing “Chaos,” Says Anglican Head

February 12th, 2010

Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams has warned that gay blessings and the ordination of women in the Anglican church had caused “chaos.”

“Fellowship,” Williams said, “is strained or shattered and trust destroyed.”

The Archbishop began to explain further, but then the world ended before he could finish.

Anti-Gay Folk Throw Fits Over MP’s Christmas Card

December 18th, 2009

GWAAAAAAAAHH! Two guys and their dog.

Scott Brison, a gay Nova Scotia MP, sent out some really charming Christmas cards to his constituents this year. The postcard shows Brison and his husband, Maxime St. Pierre, standing in a field along with their golden retriever, Simba.

It’s not unusual for MPs to mail out greetings with pictures of their families, and while most people responded well to Brison’s postcard, not everyone was as gracious or polite. After posting the photo online, The Globe and Mail was forced to shut down their comments section over what they called “an overwhelming number of hateful and homophobic remarks,” explaining “we can’t allow our site to become a platform for intolerance.”

Brison, displaying his usual class, shrugged off the hate, saying: “There’s always a very, very tiny minority of bigots. It’s their problem; it’s not my problem.”

Good for Scott! And here’s to the day when sending out a simple postcard won’t result in a ridiculous controversy.

Tories Stealthily Slam Cabinet Minsiter Over Pride Support

July 8th, 2009

It's like looking into the face of pure anger

Conservative cabinet minister Diane Ablonczy is being torn a new one by a fellow Tory over a decision to help fund Toronto’s Gay Pride Week. The pummelling, however, appears to be limited to some pretty obscure venues, consisting of mostly extreme, social conservative websites.

Brad Trost, a Conservative MP, was quoted by the ultra right-wing opinion website LifeSite News as saying that “almost the entire Conservative caucus” and “most of the Prime Minister’s Office” was shocked by Diane’s funding announcement,  adding that Diane had been “reassigned” for the blunder. “The pro-life and the pro-family community should know,” said Trost, “that the funding money that went to the gay pride parade in Toronoto was not government policy.”

Despite the scathing announcement found on small, targeted venues, mainstream media sources were unable to confirm the government’s policy and Diane’s firing over the issue, receiving only denials about the reassignment.

After repeated requests for information, a Conservative insider has confirmed to Slap that they totally remember mailing out the angry announcement to everyone, but most of it must have just been lost in the mail or something.

Update: Since I wrote this, it looks like a real, mainstream news source has confirmed that Diane has, indeed, been reassigned, but the Conservatives are denying that this has anything to do with the Pride funding. Oh, that’s good! I’m glad it has nothing to do with the reasons that Diane’s colleagues say it is when talking to smaller, targeted sources.

Anti-Gay Lobbyists Batten Down The Hatches

April 10th, 2009

Well, it’s the Easter long weekend, so let’s have some fun!

National Organization for Marriage, an anti-gay lobby group based in the United States, has released one of the wackiest anti-gay advertisements I’ve seen, comparing same-sex marriage to a violent storm. YouTube has the goods.

The disparity in outlook has taken a turn for the melodramatic, has it not?

The clouds are ominous and full of ominousness...

The wind... It's so cold, it's sending shivers up my uvula.

The gays want to blow us! (Away, that is...)

The horror! Oh, the horror! It's so horrifically horrible!

I do.

I’ll leave the final bit of amusement courtesy of the Human Rights Campaign, who has managed to get the audition tapes for the spot—and, interestingly enough—every one of those concerned individuals is a California doctor and Massachusetts parent. Fascinating!

Anyway, thanks to everyone who sent this ad in. Have a great long weekend! Slap will be back on Wednesday instead of Monday. Cheers!

Gay Magazine Found In Store Display Draws Complaint

January 16th, 2009

Where you can go to look like a Koodo ad

A Vancouver woman has complained to the press after discovering a gay magazine while rummaging through a display at American Apparel.

BUTT, a Netherlands-based magazine, was partially sticking out of a backpack in one of the store’s displays when Trina Campbell decided to remove it and leaf through its contents:

I slammed the magazine closed and looked at my daughter in horror. She looked at me and said “What?” I said, “Did you see that?” She said “No.”

I actually started crying.

The magazine, which is available for sale at all American Apparel stores,  is not actually pornography; however, it does contain R-rated images, so the store requires proper ID to be shown in order to buy a copy from behind the counter.

Funny. Judging from American Apparel’s all-Lycra stock, I was under the impression that they couldn’t sell anything to minors. My mistake.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s particularly appropriate to have R-rated material stuffed in a display backpack, but then it’s not particularly appropriate to rummage through store displays either. Since the magazine wasn’t very accessible (all sale copies are stored behind the counter), I have a feeling that the complaint has more to do with the fact that a sexually-suggestive magazine was available at American Apparel in the first place. You know, the store where the outfits you buy and the credit card you use to buy them weigh about the same.

American Father Says Amazon.ca Offers Porn To Kids

May 11th, 2007

Sociology Book

An American dad is furious with Amazon.ca after his daughter found a sociology book using the site’s search function.

The book—a compilation of academic essays compiled by Todd G. Morrison, PhD—is entitled Eclectic Views on Gay Male Pornography and was listed among the three pages of results for the keywords “science videos”.

The father was inconsolable:

My child wanted to know what this stuff was all about. Imagine my shock and awe!

[Amazon said] they don’t censor their materials, and will be inclusive of Gay material. I replied back and asked how a science video search could return pornography. So far, no answers.

You know, I think I’ll start an Amazon Wish List.

As for why a search for “science videos” would turn up this book (which is notably not pornography), I have one explanation: Amazon’s search feature sucks llama gonads.

Still, though it’s far too late for the daughter (she has undoubtedly turned gay after this fiasco), I have to say the book sounds like an interesting read. Even if it turns out to be horrendously dull, a collection of essays is a great way to deal with insomnia.

And a tip o’ the hat to Jeremy at Good As You for the story.

Lobbyist Issues Global Apology For Gay Marriage

April 27th, 2007

Gwen Landolt Apology

I wonder what Gwen Landolt is up to these days. As you may know, Gwen is the spokeswoman for REAL Women of Canada, a delightfully persistent anti-gay lobby group formed in the early 80s. And since same-sex marriage is settled and here to stay, she must have moved on to something else, right?

Wait—no, no. I must’ve spoken too soon. It looks like she’s penned a formal apology to the world, on behalf of Canadians, for the same-sex marriage legislation. Observe our moment of quiet humility:

[We] apologize to the people of the world for harm done through Canada’s legalization of homosexual marriage. We are grieved and troubled as we consider the impact this is having in weakening the fundamental institution of marriage in countries and cultures around the world. [...]

Our warning to you, the people of the world, is to learn from our mistakes and avoid repeating them in your own countries. Forewarned should be forearmed.

Such passion… As one of the people of the world, I assure you: a tear has been shed. The effects of same-sex marriage must’ve been far more perilous than just letting guys like me wed. (sniff.)

Oh well.

Hey, do you think this apology means REAL Women has given up its hysterical anti-gay lobbying efforts? Why, it hasn’t even been four years since equal marriage blew up all of Canada’s families and ensured the systemic collapse of society. (Or so I’ve been told.) I mean, if Gwen—and all the other lobbyists—quit, who will be left to feature on this site?

Anti-Gay Activist Loses Case To Sue Union

April 2nd, 2007

Union Master

The excruciatingly slow rickshaw of justice has, at last, stated the obvious. Susan Comstock, who decided to sue her union over its support of same-sex marriage, has lost her case.

The poor dear brought her union to court last year, claiming that her religious beliefs were violated by the Public Service Alliance of Canada‘s support of the federal same-sex marriage bill. Of course, that claim assumed one’s religious rights include single-handedly deciding the financial spending of all organizations you belong to, which is just nutty. Unless you happen to be Phil Horgan, president of the Catholic Civil Rights League, and the man who represented Comstock:

I think [the ruling] is indicative of a problem Canadians will have in addressing what is becoming a somewhat oppressive environment. The reach of these decisions is only starting to be felt.

Ooh! A chilling warning of future cases.

Hey, does this mean I can sue Blockbuster Video for using part of my membership fee to stock copies of Runaway Bride? I can’t begin to describe how much that offends me.

Beware of Elton John’s Gayness

March 19th, 2007

Elton John’s Bolts of Pure Gay

Archdeacon Philip Isaac has issued a dire warning for people considering going to the the Plymouth Jazz Festival in the Caribbean island of Tobago: A scheduled performance by Elton John might turn you gay!

“The artist is one of God’s children and while his lifestyle is questionable he needs to be ministered to,” said Isaac. “His visit to the island can open the country to be tempted towards pursuing his lifestyle.”

Festival organizers say the concert will go ahead as planned. What guts! All this, despite the risk of having the entire island turned into a flying nation of gayness, which tours the world on rainbow sails, bringing gay bars to the world’s queer-deprived towns. Hmm… Maybe it’ll visit my old hometown in Alberta.

Kablamo! “Pro-Family” Groups Explode Over Ruling

January 5th, 2007

Traditional Family Explodes

So, sometime after lunch on Wednesday, I was disrupted by a peculiar noise not unlike watermelons being dropped off an overpass. At first I was a little concerned, but after reading some of the online “pro-family” news sources, I discovered it was just all of Canada’s traditional families exploding.

As it turns out, an Ontario judge ruled that a child’s biological father was permitted to be a legal guardian alongside his adoptive lesbian mothers. In short: this kid has two mommies and one daddy.

Of course, that nutty anti-gay lobby was quick to go into assault mode, quickly crafting a connection between Wednesday’s ruling and same-sex marriage. Dave Quist, head of the Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, said the government needs to “hit the pause button” on same-sex marriage and launch a royal commission to study the state of the family in Canada. Former MP, Pat O’brien, was a tad more dramatic, asking: “Words like mother, father, marriage—could they become meaningless?”

Such concern. Could “mother,” “father,” and “marriage” become meaningless words? Like “zooberblab,” “gafungwa,” and… “pro-family?”

I’ll alert the dictionary people. Just to be safe.

But, in the meantime… Why such a reaction? Could the anti-gay lobby’s objections that same-sex marriage denies children of their biological parents really just have been a red herring to cover the fact they’re really just not too fond of gays? (Shock horror!)

And couldn’t this three-parent situation have just as easily happened to an opposite-sex parent family that relied on an in-vitro donor? Why is same-sex marriage even entering the picture? You know, ’cause perhaps—just perhaps—families are classified into more than just traditional and ungodly homosexual fakers.

Well, have a great weekend, kids!