Hmm… I wonder what our favourite Surrey school board trustee, Heather Stilwell, is up to? The last time we checked up on her, after all, she was announcing that a gay-friendly school curriculum would directly cause student absences and a “loss of confidence in the community.”

Well, now it appears she’s grudgingly accepted that diversity lessons are coming. Good stuff! Although, it also seems she has a new goal: to protect like-minded parents from the terrifying horrors of having their child discuss gay role models in a positive light.

During last week’s school board meeting, Stilwell motioned that the board demand the government “clarify” the Alternative Delivery Policy with respect to gay-friendly class discussions. The policy states the conditions under which parents can withdraw their children from the curriculum and—much to Silwell’s chagrin—not liking the gays isn’t specifically listed. That, she thinks, means it’s all up in the air, requiring clarification.

No one seconded her motion.

Gee, that’s a bum deal, Heather. I totally understand where you’re coming from, though. Heck, I’m in a similar situation myself! For some time, I’ve wanted to graft Silly String™ dispensers onto the prime minister’s fingertips. That way, whenever he shakes his children’s hands goodnight, they’d be delighted with happy bursts of rainbow colour! But the laws don’t specifically state if I can sedate the prime minister for the purposes of Silly Stringification. That should be clarified. Anyone second this? Anyone?

• School board fails to back Stilwell [Peace Arch News]

A more gay-friendly curriculum would directly cause student absenses and a “loss of confidence in the community,” according to Heather Stilwell, a Surrey School Board trustee. (Holy crap, can you imagine? Our children will learn nothing!)

The bizarre comments came after the education ministry delivered letters to the school board, demanding adherence to the Alternative Delivery Policy. The policy outlines circumstances in which a parent may withdraw their child from classes, and baselessly withdrawing students from classes discussing gay role models isn’t one of them. As you can guess, that sent Stilwell off the deep end:

Parents will arrange dentist and doctor appointments during class times if the education ministry orders districts to enforce its alternative curriculum. What [the policy] will force them to do is lie. There’ll be a loss of confidence in the community.

Good heavens! So, there you have it. Hide, children. Skip classes. The school board demands it—for the good of society!

• Skipping out on gay-friendly curriculum? [Surrey Leader]
• Hooky touted for anti-gay parents [The Province]

Once upon a time, there was a young prince who “never cared much for princesses.” Although his mother introduced him to several potential suitors, he just couldn’t find someone to marry. But one fine day, he was elated to discover another handsome young prince! They married and lived happily ever after! The end.

Thus goes the plot of the children’s picture book, King & King, which was rejected on Tuesday by a Surrey School Board committee for being “too sophisticated” for grade three. And we shan’t be introducing the children to that sort of sophistication, shall we?

But fear not, kids! If King & King is too hard to follow, there’s always The Lion King: A tale of Mufasa, an emporer murdered at the hand of his rancorous brother—who deceives the rightful heir into believing he’s responsible for his father’s death. It’s a classic Disney tale of overcoming personal anguish in exile, and it’s available in picture book, too! Enjoy!

• Censorship Continues at Surrey School Board [Egale Canada]
• More gay books being considered [The Surrey Leader]