OK, kiddo! Here are all the fantastically amazing posts tagged with Virginia

U.S. Politician Blames Airport Pat-Downs On Gays

December 3rd, 2010

A Bond-ish villian declares: The pat-downs are in place. Muha. Our homosexual agenda is advancing exactly as planned! Muh-Muha!

Invasive airport security pat-downs are part of a “wide-scale homosexual agenda,” at least according to Eugene Delgaudio, an elected Virginia politician.

In an email alert sent from the Public Advocate, an anti-gay lobby group, Delgaudio said the pat-downs were the natural next step in the TSA’s non-discrimination hiring policy: “The next TSA official that gives you an ‘enhanced pat down,’” he wrote, “could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission.”

Egad! They’re on to us, kids! Delgaudio has somehow gotten a hold of pages 287 and 288 of the Gay Agenda and is fast discovering that everything that annoys him is all the gays’ fault. It would be wise, at this point, to quickly dispose of any physical copies of The Agenda; we’ll discuss what to do to correct and contain this leak at our biannual meeting in January. See you then!

(Special thanks to Slap readers Allan and Konrad for the story.)

Virginia Forcing Colleges To End Gay Protections

March 10th, 2010

Virginia is for (a restricted subset) of lovers

Ken Cuccinelli II, the Attorney General for the U.S. state of Virginia has formally warned all of the state’s colleges and universities that they must rescind their non-discrimination policies for gays, or face legal consequences.

Well, that’s all kinds of crazy. Surely “non-discrimination policies” is a really just some coded phrase to camouflage what might actually be a more reasonable request, right? Let’s look at Cuccinelli’s letter:

It is my advice that the law and public policy of the Commonwealth of Virginia prohibit a college or university from including “sexual orientation,” “gender identity,” “gender expression,” or like classification as a protected class within its non-discrimination policy absent specific authorization from the General Assembly.

Oh dear.

Yes, it appears that treating everyone equally, regardless of their sexual orientation, is illegal in Virginia. Discrimination with respect to employment and college admission is the letter of the law and, by golly, Cuccinelli is going to enforce it.

The state’s top universities—all of which have such non-discrimination policies—are reacting nervously, declining any official comments. Students, on the other hand, are having no trouble speaking their mind. Even though it’s in the middle of spring break, a Facebook group in support of equal treatment has already popped up with nearly 5,000 members.

Say, Cuccinelli does realize that being straight is a sexual orientation too, right? Hey, maybe this means I could start a gay-only faculty, offering degrees in fabulousness!

Special thanks to Slap reader Chase for alerting me to this craziness!

America Decides: No Wedding For You!

November 8th, 2006

Buck And Peggy Hamilton Cancel Your Wedding

Dear committed gay couple somewhere in Tennessee, South Carolina, Virginia, Wisconsin, or one of several other states

As you know, yesterday was a big election night in your country, and, well, I’m sorry to report that Beth, Hubert, Karl—and a bunch other people you probably haven’t met—have decided to cancel your wedding. Now, I know this news is disappointing and that you’ve been looking forward to the big day for ages, but those are the breaks. Everyone has been consulted and the conclusion is near-unanimous; they just aren’t ready for you to marry yet.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; you don’t remember ever asking for a public consultation in the first place. But please understand, despite your forgetfulness, it’s important that you stay away from the protection of the courts. In fact, since no one trusts that you won’t use the whole “justice” system, they’ve banned your nuptials via a state constitutional amendment. But, hey, maybe in several decades, when there’s enough support to revoke part of the constitution, they’ll all reconsider!

Well, uh, you guys take care!

Tootles,
Kooky Bigot

OK, in all seriousness… Though the results of yesterday’s marriage-banning ballots were fully expected, that doesn’t make the consequences any less heartbreaking. My thoughts go out to all those who continue to strive for equality in the face of an ignorant majority’s tyranny. (I’m especially confused that, in South Dakota, there are more people against same-sex marriage than abortion; what gives?)

Oh, and on a semi-local note, I just gotta share this headline courtesy of the Ottawa Sun: ‘I am a liar’ admits meth-gay sex pastor. I’m, err, not sure what a “meth-gay sex pastor” is, so I’ll just assume they’re talking about the whole Ted Haggard deal.

Meth-Gay Sex Pastor

Well, until Friday, folks!